SHINDLER SEZ… THAT’S ALL FOLKS

For the past six years, my column, “Schindler Sez”, has been featured in several local newspapers. It has truly been an enjoyable experience and hopefully, from time to time, it has put a smile on your face and gave you something to think about.

However, Father Time’s clock keeps

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WHO’S HE – Schindler Sez

A lot of people go on about things
they know nothing about.

Who’s He
Research by the University of Gothenburg in Sweden, has shown that women prone to anxiety and easily stressed out, were twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s.
So ladies, calm down and be nice to your husbands,

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THE GRIPPER – Schindler Sez

I couldn’t think of a damn thing for Schindler to Sez today.

The Gipper
Phil, an avid Notre Dame fan and his wife had little difficulty choosing a middle name for their newborn son. It was to be David, after one of his a grandfathers. However, after going through a multitude of lists looking

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SWEET TWEET – Schindler Sez

If you follow the herd, sooner or later your shoes are going to stink as bad as your decision to follow the herd.

The Big Wiener
Tyson Foods is buying Hillshire Brands, (the maker of Ball Park hot dogs and other products), for over 8 billion dollars. One might say that even though Tyson will be

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THE PRAYER – Schindler Sez

Did you ever wonder what a full moon is full of?

Three
“Martin,” a friend asked, “how many kids do you have?”
“Four.”
“How many do you want?”
“Three.”

The Prayer
In the 1930s, Hockey Mylott was the eighth grade boys’ basketball coach

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CLINT EASTWOOD – Schindler Sez

The only time you have to worry what someone thinks of you is if they’re paying your bills.

Clint
One of my favorite movie stars is Clint Eastwood. He has always been his own man who thinks for himself. He has never been like the other “me too sycophant stars” who want so badly

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ONLY IN AMERICA – SCHINDLER SEZ

Babies, old ladies, dogs and mosquitoes love me. Does that mean I’m loveable?

Pot
According to a preliminary study of casual marijuana users, there were differences in the two brain areas associated with emotions and motivation, from non-users. Of course the differences were more pronounced

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THE CONSUMER – SCHINDLER SEZ

What do carpenter ants build?

A Double
Barney Wertzberger,
In Two Brother’s Bar
With a five cent beer,
And a ten cent cigar

“The next one’s on me,”
Said the one brother,
“I’ll buy one too,”
Said the T’other.

“I’ll have an Old Granddad,
I’d

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DEATH OF AN IRISHMAN – SCHINDLER SEZ

If you’re not the problem,
you’ll have very few.

The Death of an Irishman
(A friend told me this story and swore it was the truth. I enhanced it a little and changed the names to protect the not so innocent).
Two Irish friends were sitting in a pub having a jar or two and chatting

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LITTLE OUTHOUSE – SCHINDLER SEZ

Rules we don’t agree with… are always stupid.

The Little Outhouse
I lived on a farm,
Many years ago,
That had a little outhouse,
Where I used to go.

With a Sears catalog,
That I loved to read,
And missing pages,
Used for a need.

But I couldn’t sit there,
And dilly-dally
Cause it

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THE CONFESSION – SCHINDLER SEZ

If most folks polished themselves like they do their shoes…they’d be well polished.

Resting
When I walked into the barbershop to get a haircut, my barber Skip, was sitting there with his eyes closed. “Hello, are you taking a nap?” I asked.
“No,” he answered,

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THE QUITE ONE – SCHINDLER SEZ

Tomorrow never comes and today never goes.

The Quite One
Many, many years ago, when I was a young man, my favorite hangout was a great little bar called, “Tony’s Tap.” On one of the walls was a framed painting. It was a picture of a lady dressed as pilgrim, minus a head.
On

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THE BOOM – SCHINDLER SEZ

I love horses…but not horses asses.

No-See-Ums
China, who is potentially one our greatest adversaries, is modernizing and increasing the size of their armed forces. At the same time, the Obama regime is cutting our military budget and downsizing our forces, while Russia is using theirs to

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THE CUT – SCHINDLER SEZ

You don’t have to be a fisherman to know when something smells fishy.

The Tub
In the Cialis ads, a man and woman are sitting in separate bath tubs. It seems to me that if that stuff really works, they’d be in the same tub.

Even Me
I’m not knocking Shelly or Keats,
But understanding

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CARING – SCHINDLER SEZ

I thought about being Jewish, but they passovered me.

Caring
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards, they simply are the ones who care the most.
Charles Schultz
Creator of the Peanuts cartoon

The Ass
My friend, Fritz,

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THE WINNERS – SCHINDLER SEZ

If you don’t know what you’re talking about
keep your damn mouth shut.

God’s Gifts
Snowcapped mountains,
Starry nights,
Blue-green seas,
Eagle’s flights.

Valley’s lilies,
Smell so sweet,
Waving fields
Of golden wheat.

Colorful flowers,
Buzzing bees,
Humming birds,
God gave us these.

Despicable

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THOMAS JEFFERSON – SCHINDLER SEZ

If your bucket has a hole in it, get a new one.

Thomas Jefferson
April 13th is Thomas Jefferson’s birthday.
The following is a quote by John F. Kennedy.
“I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White

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BLUE LAWS – SCHINDLER SEZ

Do cuckoo clocks drive you cuckoo or nuts?

Themselves
Occasionally, I read about people who take a year or so off to find themselves. Hmmm, I wonder where they lost themselves. I never lost myself. Maybe it’s because I’m pretty good at finding myself…even when I’m not lost.

Blue

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THE KITCHEN – SCHINDLER SEZ

Before you say something, ask yourself, “Is this going to make things better?”

The Kitchen
I don’t know if New Jersey’s Governor, Chris Christie, can stand the heat…but he sure as hell can’t get out of the kitchen!

Picture That
I walked out to get the mail this

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THE SNOW ANGEL – SCHINDLER SEZ

My Angel is a Guardian

The Snow Angel
We built a wonderful snowman,
Right next to our home.
Put a snow lady beside him,
So he wouldn’t be alone.

Throughout the winter,
When the wind did blow,
She watched the children,
Making angels in the snow.

The Snowman to his lady said,
“Spring is just

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NOTHING – SCHINDLER SEZ

A closed mouth eats no crow.
(I’ve run this once before, but I have a couple of friends who need a reminder.)

Nothing
On Valentine’s Day,
Give her a bouquet,
A dozen roses,
Would make her day.

Beautiful jewelry,
With carats galore,
Would win her love,
For a night or more.

So Valentine’s Day,

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MOM’S AWAY – SCHINDLER SEZ

If you want to get along swimmingly… don’t swim upstream.

Moms Away!
Recently, Phil and Marjorie lost their daughter, Laura, whose loves were Florida, Siesta Key, and the gulf. Shortly before her untimely demise, she asked that her remains be cremated and spread over the Gulf of Mexico,

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FRUITCAKES – SCHINDLER SEZ

A verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

Toronto can’t a-Ford him
Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, admitted smoking crack cocaine. He also admitted he had a drinking problem. When asked if would resign he said, after an (expletive deleted) tirade, “I’m

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NOBODY’S PERFECT – SCHINDLER SEZ

Nobody’s perfect. Not even those who think they are!

Where have all the Singers gone?
I watch a few talent shows, like my favorite “America’s Got Talent” and I notice in many cases, the louder a singer sings or screams, the more the crowd yells their approval.

I asked a friend

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THE OLDER THE VIOLIN – SCHINDLER

The older the violin…the more its worth.

The Gobbler
Thank God, Thanksgiving comes only once a year. If I gobbled any more often, I’d look like a stuffed turkey.
But please folks, don’t give me the bird.

The Agreement
After her annual physical, Char’s doctor said, “Everything

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