NOVEMBER – SCHINDLER SEZ
November is the only month people don’t mind getting the bird.
Redskins
I don’t understand all the fervor over the name Redskins, as in the Washington Redskins. Hell…I’d be honored if they’d named them after me and . . .
November is the only month people don’t mind getting the bird.
Redskins
I don’t understand all the fervor over the name Redskins, as in the Washington Redskins. Hell…I’d be honored if they’d named them after me and . . .
A kind word is never forgotten.
The Politician
Did you hear that Smith & Wesson came out with a new gun? It’s called the “Politician.” It won’t work and you can’t fire it.
Lights Out
I had four beers,
When I . . .
Don’t worry about the dead ones in the cemetery…it’s the live ones that will bury you.
The Scariest
Who’s the scariest of them all,
The goblins or the ghosts?
The monsters or the booger man,
Which one scares us the most?
No one’s . . .
My wife loses a lot of things… until she finds them.
The Quiz
I pulled into Mike’s to get my car washed and said to the attendant, “If you guess why I’m washing my car, I’ll give you ten bucks.”
“Because . . .
My wife loses a lot of things…until she finds them.
The Quiz
I pulled into Mike’s to get my car washed and said to the attendant, “If you guess why I’m washing my car, I’ll give you ten bucks.”
“Because . . .
The computer takes more blame for the operators’ mistakes than they do. I suppose it’s because, unlike the operator, the computer doesn’t have to listen to the complainers crap!
Lots
Trudy, a very substantial woman and a waitress . . .
If you buy just what you need and not what you want, you’d have a lot less needs.
Lifers
The Ohio prosecutor, who jokingly filed a criminal indictment against the groundhog, Punxsutawaney Phil, for fraudulently predicting an early spring, . . .
Why do those who understand not what they say, say so much?
On a Roll
Did you read about the team of students, at Purdue University, who won a $20,000 prize for creating a biodegradable fireworks casing out of corn that is lighter and less expensive . . .
A kind word is never forgotten.
The Politician
Did you hear that Smith & Wesson came out with a new gun? It’s called the “Politician.” It won’t work and you can’t fire it.
Lights Out
I had four beers,
When I . . .
A cutting remark never heals.
The Obvious
Did you ever get the feeling that a lot of our congressmen vote for what’s good for them and not what’s best for the country and their constituents?
Or am I the only one who can see the obvious?
Peace . . .
I can guarantee that the person who said, “Seventy is the new thirty,” has never been seventy.
Less Meat
Pedro Quezada, who won the $338 million Powerball jackpot, was asked what he was going to do with all that money. He said he could . . .
We are all entitled to our opinions…no matter how erroneous.
Dad
When I was a boy,
My dad was king,
He could do,
Almost anything.
Then in my teens,
It became otherwise.
I grew taller than him
And twice as wise.
But as I aged,
Thru many a summer,
. . .
It doesn’t matter which way you go, as long as you get there.
Just the Bare Facts
The Supreme Court recently ruled that people charged with minor offenses, like traffic violations or public intoxication, can be strip searched, even if there . . .
Are hockey fans…puckers?
The Ass
On Palm Sunday, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on an ass, followed by a procession of his followers, while others laid palms and their cloaks in his path.
In Pat’s church on that day, a re-enactment of Jesus’ . . .
When you do nothing… nothing happens.
April Showers
April showers bring May flowers,
We’ve heard the poets say.
But I love it when the sun does shine,
And drive the rain away.
Oh, April showers; I love your flowers,
They’re such a . . .
Why is Greenland mostly ice
and Iceland mostly green?
The Retirement
The fifteenth of April,
Is National Tax Day,
What you worked so hard for,
They taketh away.
They’re not even hungry,
Yet they spend it on pork,
. . .
If home is where one hangs their hat, does that mean a hatless person homeless?
Complete and Finished
In a recently held linguistic competition in London and attended by the best linguist in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, man was the . . .
The Boot
Connolly is me Irish friend,
He’s as Irish as can be.
“What happened to your O,” I asked,
The O’ in O’Connolly?
‘Tis a long and painful story mate,
So order us a jar or two,
And we’ll sit here . . .
Beer: helping shy people dance
for over 7000 years.
On or Off
Pro and college football players have been accused of using a banned substance called, deer antler spray, to in enhance their performance. Now I’m just trying to figure out what . . .
If the violence and fights were outlawed from hockey…there wouldn’t be near as many hockey puckers around.
Dear God,
Why do you allow so much violence in our schools?
~A concerned student
Dear Student,
I’m no longer . . .
Have you ever seen a willow weep?
Under the Cover
On Valentine’s Day
Treat your lady sweet,
Send her some flowers,
And take her to eat.
Look in her eyes,
Tell her you love her,
Then in no time,
It’s under the cover.
Zap…Zap
Today at Mass, . . .
The problem with getting a fat head…
is your hat won’t fit anymore.
The Papal Pardon
Paolo, the Pope’s personal butler, received a penance to be performed in the papal prison, for pilfering and peddling parts and pieces from the . . .
The truth will always be the truth…no matter how much the politicians lie.
Fruitcake Anyone
Did you read about the guy who was badly mauled when he jumped from the elevated train, into the tiger’s den at the Bronx Zoo? The reason he . . .
Don’t swim against the tide or pee into the wind. In the first case, you won’t get anywhere and in the second, you’ll still be all wet.
The Wicked Bible
In 1631, the so-called “Wicked Bible,” was printed. A competitor . . .
Schindler Sez…
It will take more than a GPS to
get you to heaven
Gobbled
I detest Thanksgiving,
Serve the stuffing’s no more.
The cranberries are acidic,
The mashed potatoes a bore.
The filling in the pie
From some pumpkin you took.
When . . .