FOCUS ON HEALTH
ELVIS SIGHTED in Waynedale… and he has a hammertoe.
The other day a strange looking man appeared at the Waynedale Foot Clinic. It was apparent from his demeanor that he was trying to hide his identity. He had a hat pulled down over his forehead and a trench coat with the collar pulled up. As he entered the treatment room he looked vaguely familiar to me. Shaking his hand I began the conversation, “Good morning sir. Welcome to the friendly confines of the beautiful Waynedale Foot Clinic.” Then he spoke and I recognized the voice, “Thank you. Thank you very much.” He must have noticed recognition in my eyes because he immediately responded, “Do you know who I am?” “You are the king. It is a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Presley. I am glad to see the reports of your untimely demise were untrue.”
EP: “Can you keep my visit a secret Doc?”
Dr. C: “Absolutely. You know, doctor-patient confidentiality.”
EP: “Well I’d appreciate it. I’ve been trying to keep a low profile.”
Dr. C: “Wow I didn’t know that Wolverine® made work boots in blue suede.”
At this point Mr. Presley removed his boots and socks and proceeded to point to a red inflamed little toe.
EP: “This dog has been barkin’ for years. The last few weeks it’s been especially bad. I’m telling you Doc it’s giving me the blues.”
Dr. C: “I can see why. What you’ve got is called a hammertoe.”
EP: “A what?”
Dr. C: “A hammertoe. The term describes a buckling of the toe joints. The toe joints curl because of a muscle imbalance or tight tendons. The toe is held up at one joint and down at the other causing this joint to be prominent.”
At this point I touched the corn on the top of the toe causing the King of rock and roll to wince.
Dr. C: “Sorry.”
EP: “Man that puppy is sore. Can you fix it?”
Dr. C: “Yes we can.”
EP: “Then do it man.”
Dr. C: “Yes sir.”
At this point our crack podiatry team swung into action. His toe was numbed. A small 1/2 inch incision was made on the top of his toe and a piece of bone about the size of a pencil eraser was removed. The skin was closed with three stitches and bandaged.
Dr. C: “All right sir, now it is important for you to stay off your foot, with it elevated for three days.”
EP: “No problem.”
Dr. C: “Good. And then no serious rockin’, rollin’ or shakin’ your pelvis for three days.”
EP: “Don’t worry Doc, I haven’t been doing that much anymore. It is remarkable how getting two total hip replacements slowed down my pelvis shakin’.”
Dr. C: “I could understand how that would slow you down. Can I ask you something?”
EP: “Sure.”
Dr. C: “I remember reading that your daughter, Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson.”
At this point a look of terror flashed across his face and he put his hand over his heart.
EP: “Please don’t bring that up you might blow out my pacemaker.”
Dr. C: “Sorry, never mind.”
EP: “Doc, if I knew fixin’ that toe was going to be that easy I would have had it done years ago. Thank you. Thank you very much. By the way would you like a Cadillac, I’ve got a few extra?”
Dr. C: “No thank you sir.”
As he was bending over to adjust his surgical shoe I couldn’t help notice that he was wearing custom fit Depends® with sequins on them.
VIVA LAS WAYNEDALE
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