Thank God for computers.
For without them,
who would we blame our screw ups on?
Close To
Whenever someone asks Lary for directions, he replies, “Don’t give me the address. Just tell me what tavern or liquor store it’s close to, and I’ll get . . .
Words of Wisdom
. . .
The unexpected always happens
when you don’t expect it.
The Ghost
I attended Catholic schools many, many years ago, when I was a kid. Back then, our prayers always started with,
“In the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. . . .
It looks like the Tiger isn’t out of the Woods …yet.
The Fun Party
Wouldn’t the “Tea Party” have a lot more fun, if they changed their name to the “Long Island Ice Tea Party?”
Why…even I’d join!
Partnership
When I was in . . .
The smartest kid in the class is not necessarily the one with the best grades.
Lary Knows Lary
“Lary,” his friend, Pizzie, asked, “have you ever been married?”
“Nope,” Lary answered, “I’m not that stable.”
The Country . . .
I’ve been to San Francisco, and thank God I didn’t leave my heart there, because I wouldn’t want people to think I’m a heartless old…Well, you get the idea.
‘You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak . . .
If you don’t try…nothing happens!
Before, During, or After?
As I was having breakfast with my old Decatur friends, Bob Cook, who will turn ninety this month, Sim Haines, who is eighty-five, and Joe Jauregui, who is only seventy-three, Sim mentioned . . .
If you want to see your worst picture, look at your driver’s license.
The Author
My baptismal name is James Arthur Schindler. However, since I have written two books and am currently writing a couple of newspaper columns, my wife now calls me . . .
It’s always easy…when you know how!
The Thinker
A few years ago there was a popular slogan, “Think before you drink.”
So when a preacher ran into a young man who just stumbled out of a bar, he said, “Son, did you ever hear the slogan, . . .
I don’t care what they say or write about me, as long as they spell my name right. And it doesn’t start with Shi, even though that might suit some people to a “t”.
I’m Here
Sometimes when I’m at a restaurant, the server will deliver . . .
If you never had any bad times…you’ve never lived!
I’ll Kill Ya
Rachel’s dad was fifty years older than she was. Several times she told him that he better not die before she got married, because she wanted him to walk her down the aisle.
One . . .
Truth: a word foreign to most politicians.
The Nice Trooper
Indiana State Trooper, Andy, was taking a young man to jail for DUI.
“You sure are a nice guy,” the intoxicant said.
“What makes you say that?” Andy asked.
“Cause you didn’t Faser . . .
Rich is when you don’t have to work, and still have enough money to live comfortably.
The Unfashionable Designers
Fashion is a matter of opinion, personal preference, and taste.
Just because some New York, twinkle-toed designer doesn’t care . . .
It’s hard to have a sunny disposition on a rainy day.
Death & Taxes
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat,
Tax his crops, tax his work,
Tax his ties, and tax his shirt.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are . . .
A lot of people will tell you what they think you
want to hear,
instead of what you really want to hear…
and that’s “the truth!”
Cramming
Lisa’s dad, Lyman, retired and is now living
the good life in Florida.
“I always . . .
IF YOU CAN’T STOP…DON’T START!
Hugging Aunt Kathryn
Ninety-five year old, Aunt Kathryn, was in St. Joseph’s Hospital, recovering from a hip operation. She was in extreme pain and a little confused and disorientated from all the medication, . . .
If everyone was the same…
life would be pretty damn boring.
The Toilet Seat
I don’t know why some women get so upset when a man doesn’t lower the toilet seat. I’d think that they’d be happy he raised it. After all, . . .
YOU CAN’T HAVE A “FIRST CLASS OPERATION” WITH SECOND CLASS PEOPLE!
A Healthy Plan
I think it’s obvious that our health care system needs to be overhauled. There are just too many people who cannot afford health insurance. . . .
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends, relatives, and the good folks in Waynedale, Fort Wayne, and Allen County. May 2010 be the best year you’ve ever had.
God bless!
The Game of Life
A few years ago when my son Jimmie was a . . .
Is that Rancid smell in Iowa coming from the hogs, or is it coming from the politicians?
Schindler’s first rule of law…avoid lawyers!
She Still Won’t
The man, next in line at Walgreen’s, watched as the cashier rang up a customer. . . .
de Seat
In the 1960s, Ronald Reagan, who was then a movie star and spokesman for the General Electric Company, made a cameo appearance at the Decatur, Indiana, GE plant. During that visit a brief respite was planned at the home of Roger Schuster, . . .
A Heavenly Halloween
Every Halloween, the staff at Bandido’s Mexican restaurants wears costumes (limited only by their imagination), to the delight of the guests. On this particular festival of the dead, two Catholic priests, Father Jeff and . . .
At the age of three, Jim Schindler was put into St. Vincent’s Villa, a Catholic orphanage. After he finished the fifth grade, he was placed in a foster home along with his brother, where they were terribly mistreated. In spite of his unhappy . . .
The best thing about a suicide bomber is…he’ll never have the guts to do it again!
Judge Bobo
Judge Bobo, a deeply religious man who was well versed in the Bible, was aware that in the Old Testament, Joshua made the sun stand still.
Back during . . .