We would like to share some “out-of-the-mouths-of-babes” comments on Christmas from Mary Uslar’s kindergarten class at Waynedale Elementary School. This is where we found out – to our amazement – that the Bible has it all wrong and that Jesus was not born in Bethlehem, but instead, according to Kaydence Palm, “in Seattle.”
Why in Seattle?
“Because my mom won’t let me go there and she won’t let me talk to strangers,” explained Kaydence, innocently. “Jesus was born in a barn there with lots of animals like cows, sheep, horses, pigs, lions, cats, dogs and giraffes.” (Wonder if there was a hole in the stable roof to accommodate the giraffes’ necks?)
Gabe Tiamani agreed but added that there were chickens and zebras in the barn, too.
Niya Brown’s version of The Birth differs slightly. “Jesus was born in a hospital,” said Niya, and classmate Lily Lujin agreed, although neither girl could volunteer the name of the hospital. (Well, it’s nice to know they had hospitals back in those days. We’re guessing the Virgin Mary took a cab.)
We asked Alex Frazier what he thought his dad should get his mom for Christmas, and the answer was “a diamond ring, because she has rings, but no diamonds in them.” (Gee, we hope we haven’t let the cat out of the bag here.)
Close on Alex’s heels is Alexis Dennis, who agrees that her dad should get her mom a ring. And obviously BreeAnna Moreno (who thinks her dad should gift her mom with a ring and necklace), and Gabe Tiamani (who opts for earrings from Pa to Ma) are listening closely to the holiday jewelry commercials. (Are YOU paying attention, Dads?)
Baylie Shipley gets credit for thinking of the most unusual gift for her dad to buy her mom: a pink Jeep. (We can hear Mary Kay of the famed pink Cadillac turning over in her grave.)
Nykai Tatum had a little more down-to-earth answer for the question of Dad playing Santa to Mom.
“My daddy should get my Mommy a teddy bear for Christmas,” said Nykai. (Note to Nykai’s dad: count yourself lucky she didn’t say a diamond ring.)
And Niya Brown feels that what her Mom needs most is toys, “especially a Barbie doll.” (We wonder who Niya expects her Mom to share her new toys with?)
When asked how many reindeer Santa had, the kids’ answers ranged from 5 (Baylie) to 44 (David Scott), with none of them correct. (Parents, have you read “The Night before Christmas” to your kids yet?)
Ever conscious of the obesity epidemic, the kids were concerned with Santa’s weight. Asked how much weight Santa should lose, the responses varied from 3 lbs. (Baylie) to 60 (Gabe).
What is Santa’s wife doing while he delivers presents on Christmas Eve?
Baylie: “She’s watching TV.”
Nykai: “She’s busy making chicken for when he comes back home.”
Kaydence: “She’s doing the laundry.”
Gabe and Niya: “She’s sleeping.”
Alexis: “She’s helping those little men with big ears make presents.” Little men with big ears? Do you mean elves? “Yeah, that’s what they are.”
Which would you rather have in your bedroom – a pet reindeer or a snowman?
David: “A reindeer. He’d stay in a cage in my bedroom, and the cage has to be this big (gesturing from one end of the classroom to the other, indicating the proper breadth of the cage, which appears to be, um, 30 feet long) and his bed would be made out of sticks and leaves. I’d feed him brown stuff from my grandma’s house, then if he had to go to the bathroom, I’d take him outside to go, but he would still be in his cage, which has a metal floor, so there wouldn’t be a big mess to clean up. But if there was a big mess, my mom has a special sweeper to take care of it.”
BreeAnna: “A snowman. I’d give him a carrot for a nose and Cheerios for a mouth and blueberries for eyes. And I’d play Candy Land with him and he would sleep with me and if he got cold, I’d cover him with a blanket.”
Alex: “A reindeer, because I like the antlers. I’d play video games with him on the computer like Ben10 – Alien Force, and feed him some leftovers that me and my mom and dad don’t wanna eat.”
Nykai Tatum: “A snowman, so I could feed him macaroni. And we’d play with cars and marbles.”
Lily: “A reindeer, because a snowman would melt in my bedroom. I’d feed it carrots and play Candy Land with it and have my three cousins come over and play tag with the reindeer outside – because if we did it inside, we might break things in the house. And he could sleep on the floor next to my bed.”
DeTarius McClendon: “A snowman because he isn’t alive. We’d play Connect 4 x 4 together. His name is Frosty, and he would sleep on the floor next to my bed and I’d feed him carrots and meatballs.”
Baylie: “A reindeer, so I can put a red nose on him. (Where would you find such a nose?) “I’d buy a nose at Wal-Mart – and my reindeer would sleep in a cage in my room.”
Kadence: “A snowman. I’d use a carrot for his nose and rocks for his mouth and put snowballs on his head.”
Gabe: “A reindeer. I’d feed him oranges, and he’d sleep in my bunk bed.”
Alexis: “A reindeer because it is soft. I would feed him fish, probably salmon. And I would ride him and then he could help me make a snowman.”
And there you have it – kids who know exactly what they want from Santa, and a beaming teacher who says hers is, “the best job in the world.”
(Personally, we thought ours was, but….)