HOW TO PREPARE THE PERFECT TURKEY DINNER

There are some parents in Waynedale whom we hope will give extra thanks on Turkey Day, for their imaginative kindergarteners who never fail to be entertaining, whether in school or at home.

The junior chefs who grace our November pages are from Pam Lepley’s kindergarten class at St. Therese Catholic School, are eager to share their proposals of some, um, unusual ways of celebrating the holiday at the family groaning board this year.

Alycia Aguirre, 6, when asked how she would prepare a Thanksgiving turkey, began with the basics.

“First, you buy the turkey. Then you cut it and sprinkle it with M & M’s before putting it in the oven for two hours,” explained Alicia, who was visibly honored by the request of an adult asking her advice on baking a turkey on such an important holiday.

“Then you take it out of the oven, add oyster stuffing and eat it.”

(Note to Alycia’s parents: Consider framing this special recipe to give to Alycia on her wedding day so she can fix her first Thanksgiving dinner for a brand-new husband…and his family)

Classmate Dominick Buonomo was more assertive on how he’d prepare the day’s big meal if it were up to him.
“You have to go find a turkey first and then kill it with a gun. Then you put it in your car and drive it home,” said Dominick confidently.

“After you take it in the house, you pull the bones out of the turkey. Then you put it on the table and salt it. Serve it with salad and Chicken McNuggets.”

Dominick’s twin Luke begs to differ: “For Thanksgiving we will have tacos, French fries and Capri Sun juice. Then my grandma will make bunny faces.”

(Somehow, it was hard to picture the twins’ grandma making a face like a bunny, so we had to ask, what the heck are bunny faces? Turns out they’re cookies shaped like rabbit faces. Oy.)

The kids are nothing if not observant about what goes on the table. Colin Bauer, 5, would go to the country and look for a turkey first.

“When you find your turkey, you shoot it with a gun and put it in a box,” said Colin, cheerfully. “Then you hop in your car and take it home and show your family. Then you cut the feathers off and cook it for 10 hours and put it on the table, cut it in half and serve with mashed potatoes, French fries, hot dogs, and cake and ice cream. Also, put plates, knives and forks on the table.”

(Say, Grandma Cheryl Mowan, did Colin learn to cook at your knee? And do you have any other kitchen tips you’d like to share with our readers?)

Luci Higgins, 6, would get her turkey, “at some store. Then I’d put it in the oven for five hours and serve with chicken, carrots and broccoli.”

Addison Dettmer, 6, would buy her turkey from a farm, and, “cook it, adding salt, pepper and oleo and keep it in the oven for one hour.

“When the turkey is on the table, you should cut it and eat it. The best thing about Thanksgiving is we get to sit down and have dinner with each other. And you’d also have stuff on the table like chicken and mashed potatoes, with ice cream for dessert,” concluded the little girl.

Alex Cameron, 6, declares that Thanksgiving is, “when you give cards to people.”

His turkey would bake for seven minutes, he said, and then be served along with, “chicken, carrots, and vanilla cake for dessert. We’ll have six people and one dog – Daisy – at our table that day.”
(The dog, too? At the table? Really?)

Isaac Keys, 6, prefers a slightly more exotic menu.

“On Thanksgiving, you eat food like corn, carrots, roast beef and stuffing which goes inside the roast beef and you cook it for 15 minutes. You also have purple potatoes, apple juice and raspberry pie for dessert,” said Isaac thoughtfully.

Alexandra (“Alex”) Marlott, 5, would go to a farm for her turkey, and shoot it “with a gun.”

“Then I’d cut off the feathers, feet and head off. Before putting it into the oven, add cooking spray and squash. Bake for 16 hours and taste it to make sure it is done. If it still isn’t done, it goes back in the oven for 16 more hours. Put it on the table, cut it with a knife, and serve with black olives, green olives, and rice, and for dessert, cupcakes, apple pie and cake. And we’d drink milk – and water, too.”

(Interesting, isn’t it, how many of these blood-thirsty tots prefer a noisy gun with which to bag a turkey, instead of a quieter bow and arrow?)

Audrey Orth, 5½, might consider making Economics a career. She’s right on the ball when it comes to pricing Thanksgiving turkeys in these inflationary times.

“You have to go to the store and buy a turkey for $69,” explained Audrey. “When you bring it home, you bake it for 40 seconds and serve with tomatoes, salad, and garlic bread. For dessert, get some Reece’s peanut butter cups.”

In conclusion, we can only say to these adorable kids, “Thanks for the chuckles – and our heartfelt compliments to your Maker…!