MAE JULIAN
DEATH OF A CHILD
I have talked to you before about the fact that I have a transgendered grandchild. “She” knew at the age of three that she was not a girl, but a boy. It is hard to wrap your mind around something like this, but the choices are few for parents and families: acceptance or rejection. Our grandchild was born into this world transgendered. It is not a “decision” that was made by our child. To give you a frame of reference…try thinking back…when did YOU decide to be male or female? It wasn’t a decision you made. You are the way you were born. It is genetic, just as, on occasion, a child is born with one blue eye and one brown eye. The difficulty faced by parents when one has a trans-child is: what in the world are we going to do? The statistics are frightening. The rejection by society is, at times, overwhelming. The fear of suicide, which is reported to be 50% by the time these children are 20, is terrifying. We, (trans-families) across the United States, Canada, and England have formed a Trans-network. We are all connected and share information, support, and encouragement that we would not otherwise have had. Thank God for computers.
We were staggered to our knees this last week by the death of yet another trans-child. He was a 16 year old “female to male” (ftm) transgendered teen in Michigan. He took his own life. His mother is one of our stalwart members, and a leader in helping people through this maze of transgenderism. She has done everything that anyone could imagine to deal with the problems that come with having a child with the brain of one sex and the body of the other. These past few months she began home-schooling him because of the problems of taunting and shunning at school. She left no stone unturned in her effort to help this beautiful, red-headed child into adulthood. I want to make note that this is not to be confused with homosexuality. It isn’t the attraction of one to his/her own sex. It is the actual dilemma of duplicity. Few doctors have the knowledge and inclination to deal with a transgender individual. It is like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz for so many. We try to seek out what to do, who to see, or how to find acceptance, knowing the lives of our children depend on us, but we have no path to follow.
So, now, again, we bury a child. For, as is true of so many, that what we cannot understand we reject. Thus, our children are dying at their own hand or at the hands of others. They are kicked to the curb and under the bus. They are the unwanted lepers of our time.
I remember reading, a long time ago, about a baby who had his penis cut off by an older sister. She thought something was wrong with him. She, herself, was very young. She was trying to “fix him.” I have never forgotten that news article, and I thought how horrible that would be for the boy growing up. What I never could have imagined month, for the rest of his life. At this time, it is not covered by insurance, and is ignored. This, this one injection a month, which is one cc (tiny amount) costs $1,000 each month.
Our daughter’s son goes to a downtown school in Louisville where he has to ride two busses, consecutively, one hour, coming and going. He was accepted into Louisville’s gifted and talented program, for which I am grateful, as only 100 children are chosen each year. However, he is in what we, on our network, call “stealth” mode. The only ones who know of his trans-status, (outside of family), are the principal and the teachers of the school. He is a beautiful child with dark hair and sky-blue eyes. He is quite popular with both boys and girls, and one of the best athletes on the Y’s flag-football team. To be on the sidelines and watch him run for a touchdown is like watching him go through life. Full speed with determination and confidence. At least for now.
Still, there are the worries. What lies ahead for this 12-year-old child of ours? If I listed all the “what if’s” I would go on for a long time. So, all we have is today. Our child is alive and well today. Every day is a survival day for a trans-kid. My heart grieves for our friend and mother in Michigan, who has buried hers.
Blessings to all,
Mae
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