HERE’S TO YOUR HEALTH
An old-timer told me to borrow a lipstick from one of the A.A. women and write on my bathroom mirror, “Keith you are wrong.” I was too shy to ask the women for a lipstick so I went to the store and bought one and wrote on my mirror, “Keith you are wrong,” and then threw it in the trash. It was a normal night and the minute my head hit the pillow the voices inside my head took off, “You’re never going to make it. They’re going to find out you’re crazy and they’re going to kick you out. You’re going to lose your job, you’re broke and all sorts of negative stuff.”
I finally fell asleep and I woke up the next morning in a terrible state of mind. I didn’t know if I should fall on a butcher knife or make coffee. I was hopelessly in debt and desperate and that’s when I walked into the bathroom and saw my mirror with big red letters on it that said, “Keith you are wrong!” I said to myself, “Thank God, because if I’m right; I’m in big trouble.”
The beauty of Alcoholics Anonymous is that we learn a willingness to admit we’re wrong. I’ve been so blessed because of what A.A. old-timer’s taught me, especially how to conduct myself in sobriety. When my current sponsor, Sandy took me through the 12 steps again, he emphasized the 8th Step, especially the second part that says, “Became willing to make amends to them all,” because when you became willing to make amends to them all, it means “everybody” and he had me make a prayer list of all the people I resented so I could start praying for them and begin the “forgiveness process.”
I’ve sponsored hundreds of men over the years and most of them have great difficulty with the 8th Step because they have resentments against their fathers. And alot of A.A. women also have trouble with that step because they have resentments against their mothers.
My father was a man of tremendous character and I secretly competed with him. Everybody loved my Dad because he was altruistic and intelligent, he always put others and his family ahead of himself, while I was just the opposite, I was self—centered, selfish and everything was about me. I resented him because people liked him better.
The hardest amends I made was to my Dad. Twice I drove from Washington, D.C to Ohio to make amends to him. I would get a cup of coffee and sit at the table with him and a rage would suddenly well up inside me. Then, I would get up and leave. Dad said to my mother, “I love that boy, but I worry about him because he drives such a long way for a cup of coffee.”
In 1979, I bought a beach house in North Carolina and in 1980 I moved to Fayetteville, North Carolina to work at a treatment center there. Three years later, I discovered they were stealing money from the government. I called Sandy, my sponsor, and told him what was going on. Sandy said, “Keith, you must leave that job if you expect to live a spiritual life; you cannot be affiliated with immoral people.”
I’m terrified of poverty because I grew up poor and have worked since I was 12 years old. I said to Sandy, “I don’t have another job!” Sandy said, “Why don’t you trust God. He’s kept you sober all these years; why not trust Him now?”
In 1983 he said, “Keith, I suggest that you re-finance your beach house. Give yourself a six month prudent reserve, and Trust God, and so; I followed his advice.”
A month later there was a knock on my beach house door it was the FBI. They interviewed me a couple of times along with everybody else involved at that hospital and it was a great relief to be honest. In order for the two main investors to stay out of jail they had to pay huge financial penalties for the millions of dollars they had stolen from the government. They were actually billing the government for treating people who were already dead, and etc. They ended up selling the hospital to pay their fines. To be continued…
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