Thursday, January 16, 2025
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It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, But Not For Everyone

Vince LaBarbera

“Be of good cheer” … “it’s the hap-happiest season of all” …”and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near,” continues the beloved 1963 holiday classic originally performed by Andy Williams. But the lyrics are not necessarily true for many people.

Age certainly can impact how people experience holidays, but it’s not the sole factor. Celebrating the holidays can be challenging, especially if you’re dealing with stress or grief due to a serious illness or the death of a loved one. In fact, there are many reasons why people find the holidays to be stressful, including pressure to find the perfect gift to give someone, to have the perfect family gathering and, of course, financial worries. The pandemic worsened the negative effect of the holidays on mental health. Remember that everyone’s experience is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. You need to cope, not necessarily celebrate, the holidays in a way that brings you comfort and fulfillment!

It’s okay to feel differently about holiday traditions after losing a loved one. Grief can change how you perceive things. Remember that the anticipation of Christmas might be worse than the actual day itself. Sending holiday cards can be painful when your loved one is no longer there. You don’t have to send them if you’re not up for it.

Putting up decorations can be tough, too, especially during your first Christmas without your loved one and as one gets older. It’s okay if you’re not in the mood.

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You can choose to decorate or not based on how you feel. My wife and I put up a couple of small trees already decorated instead of wrestling with a larger tree.

Say no to things that aren’t helpful for you. Allow yourself to experience your feelings, even if they don’t match the festive atmosphere around you. Take time out and do something to distract yourself from the holiday stress.

Let go of unrealistic expectations and simplify your holiday plans. Distance yourself from materialism and focus on meaningful moments. Remember why we celebrate Christmas. Even though He was God, Jesus’ birth was simple and not elaborate. It’s okay to do things differently and seek help when needed. Take care of yourself during this season.

Modify holiday traditions to suit your current circumstances. For example, if cooking a big meal feels overwhelming, consider potluck-style gatherings or ordering takeout. As we age, self-care becomes crucial. Make sure to get enough rest, stay hydrated and manage stress. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being allows you to fully enjoy the festivities.

Embrace the opportunity to create new holiday traditions. Whether it’s volunteering, exploring local events or spending quality time with loved ones, find activities that resonate with you.

Many people beat themselves up if their Christmas isn’t perfect – especially parents and grandparents. It’s important to try not to fall into this “perfectionism trap” where you’re motivated by fear of failure. Since we can’t avoid Christmas, trying to change how we think about it might help cope with the stress.

Even if you do find yourself becoming stressed by the holidays, having self-compassion may help you feel less distressed in the moment. Self-compassion involves taking kind action towards yourself during moments of stress. For example, meditation – specifically a type known as loving kindness — may help improve self-compassion, and help you feel happier and more connected with others.

Our lives are far from the idealized Christmases portrayed by movies, and secular Christmas songs speak only superficially to the needs and longings of our hearts.

Often times popular Christmas carols are out of touch with reality. It may not be the “most wonderful time of the year” for you and many others. Layoffs and high prices hit hard, and many people are still recuperating from pandemic-related shutdowns, severe storms and other disasters.

So, sing along with the familiar Christmas carols. Sing them with your children and your grandchildren. Sing them at church, at home, in the car, even in the store if you want. But let the truth of the words remind you anew of the hope and promise of Christmas.

Vince LaBarbera
Latest posts by Vince LaBarbera (see all)

Vince LaBarbera

Vince is a Fort Wayne native. He earned a master of science degree in journalism and advertising from Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. LaBarbera is retired but continues to enjoy freelance writing and serving the Radio Reading Service of the Allen County Public Library. > Read Full Biography > More Articles Written By This Writer