Author: Vince LaBarbera

Original Leisure & Entertainment

SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA

As the coronavirus pandemic continues to affect the daily lives of us all, we may be asked to continue social distancing, only occasionally venturing out for groceries and necessities. Gatherings with family, relatives and friends may still be limited as will attending religious services, dining out, social engagements, movies, concerts and sporting events.

As we look back on our on-going confinement and stay-at-home practices we may express some form of the “Shoulda Woulda Coulda” song by Beverley Knight released in 2002. We might already be thinking we “shoulda woulda coulda” be using our time more productively.

At first, we all probably welcomed the opportunity to get things done around the house – chores we’ve put off because there never was enough time to get to them during our busy work-a-day life and even retirement activities. You know what I’m referring to – that hall closet, chest of drawers, storage trunk, basement, garage, attic, and so forth, that is messy or full of junk! Items we ment to go through years ago but just haven’t been able to get around to.

Well, here many of us still are with more than enough time on our hands to get to it! So how are you doing? Are you managing to get some of those put-off items completed? Or are you saying you “shoulda woulda coulda” if you were more ambitious and better organized during your stay-at-home time?
My wife, Marty, and I started out like a house-a-fire doing spring cleaning with a vengeance. There was yard work to do when the weather cooperated, closets to clean out, repainting, redecorating, defrosting the freezer, catching up on those put-off projects and even creating some new ones just to be doing something constructive. My wife – who normally is a great cook – became even more ambitious in the kitchen and created some delightful dishes. I resumed exercises long neglected but now necessary since I was gaining weight from eating too much. We both tried to walk our dogs several times a week to benefit both their health and ours. Our two dogs, incidentally, have been in seventh heaven throughout our confinement since we seldom leave the house except to go for a ride, dogs included. Afterall, gas is cheap!

In fact, quarantine has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day long looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we really get excited about car rides.

Speaking of being together, not since the days of Adam and Eve have spouses, children and perhaps pets spent so much time together in one space. At least our first parents had a large garden in which to roam. Yet, this is a perfect time for families to get to know each other, to talk and really listen. And more importantly, to truly love and care for one other!
However, as I’m sure many of you can relate, we’ve grown a little lazy in our day-to-day activities. It’s so nice to sleep in; after all there are no appointments to keep, schedules to follow or activities in which to engage. Our calendar has X’s on nearly every day. There still are some things to do, but as the days and weeks endlessly pass, we’ve grown a little lax in our efforts.

And if you’re searching for more things to read, you know those old books on your shelves with beautifully bound covers so attractive look at? Well, check them out! I’ll bet you’ll find some classics to peruse again. Works like The Plays of William Shakespeare, Emmerson’s Essays, Vanity Fair, War and Peace, The Iliad, Crime and Punishment, Gone with the Wind and more. This time around you don’t have to write a book report about it or, worse yet, give an oral report!

For our own sanity we’ve got to look for ways to keep ourselves occupied and our minds functioning. The trouble with doing nothing is not knowing when you’re finished. Maybe now is the time to begin writing a journal or diary, practicing yoga, exercising more, reading the Bible, or setting aside quiet time daily for meditation or prayer.

Distance yourself from any emotional vampires who suggest you play the game of “shoulda woulda coulda.” Refocus yourself on the now and know you have the power to improve upon the present even if it’s still in your home for quite a while yet with too much time on your hands. Focus on being alone – together. Because by staying apart, for now, we stay together.
Let’s conclude with a work written in 1869 by Kathleen O’Mara and reportedly reprinted during the Spanish Flu Pandemic, 1919:

And people stayed at home, And read books, And listened, And they rested, And did exercises,
And made art and played, And learned new ways of being, And stopped and listened more deeply.
Someone meditated, Someone prayed, Someone met their shadow, And people began to think differently, And people healed.
And in the absence of people who lived in ignorant ways, Dangerous, meaningless and heartless, The earth also began to heal, And when the danger ended and people found themselves, They grieved for the dead, And made new choices, And dreamed of new visions, And created new ways of living.
And completely healed the earth, Just as they were healed.

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HOLY SMOKE

I lost a childhood friend on Jan. 13. His name was Allen Shepard. Many of you may have met him since he was the paint expert at Connolly’s Do It Best Hardware on South Calhoun Street. And if you did meet him you would know he was a kind, gentle soul. To paraphrase Paul Simon, he was my “long lost pal” and “You Can Call (Him) Al.”

Although small in stature Al was the big brother I never had. Together, we learned to play carroms, checkers and chess. We even developed our own “Morris Code” to signal each other by flashlight through our bedroom windows from homes on different streets separated by an alley in between. Al taught me to box, wrestle, and much to my Dad’s dismay, how to drive.

Al was two grades above me at Cathedral Elementary School in downtown Fort Wayne. He helped me learn my Latin as I became an altar boy — server or acolyte if you will — at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception. Back then the Catholic Mass was in Latin and the server represented the congregation, reciting prayers (in Latin) in answer to the priest celebrant of the Mass.

I’m thinking about this now in particular since the Season of Lent will be ending for several prominent religious denominations prior to Easter Sunday on April 12. Some of these same religions including Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, Anglican, Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches used incense during Lenten religious services for the past month and may also use it during the Easter Season. And that reminds me of three rather humorous incidents that happened to me involving the use of incense. Please bear with me as we provide some background about what some reverentially call “holy smoke.”

The use of incense in religious worship predates Christianity by thousands of years. The word “incense” is derived from the Latin incendere, which means “to burn.” It is commonly used as a noun to describe aromatic matter that releases fragrant smoke when ignited, to describe the smoke itself and as a verb to describe the process of distributing the smoke.

Incense is made from resins and gums of specific plants, which when burned, produce fragrant smoke. Historically, just about every culture has used it for medicinal and spiritual purposes. Native Americans, for instance, used it in healing and purification rituals. Documented evidence also indicates that incense, especially frankincense, was an important trade product for 1,500 years among ancient Persians, Assyrians, Egyptians, Babylonians and Romans. Reportedly, they valued it more than gold and silver.

The censor, also known as the thurible, holds a piece of burning charcoal. The boat (presumably named as such because many vessels are shaped like a boat) holds the incense before it is placed in the censor by the celebrant or minister. The scent and sight of ascending clouds of smoke is supposed to alert the congregants of God’s presence, help put them in contact with God and send their prayers up to heaven.

After Al and others helped me learn acolyte duties for the Mass I was assigned to serve at a funeral. That’s panic-Ville for an eight-year-old youngster. I was given the boat and told to open the lid after the funeral Mass only when the priest was about to incense the earthly remains of the decedent (in a closed casket, thankfully). Oh my gosh! All those people watching and some were crying! But Al, who was holding the censor, said not to worry because he would tell me when it was my time. And he did just that, elbowing me and whispering, “Flip your lid!” It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. But I’m sure the mourners saw me grinning and trying to stifle a laugh.

For a subsequent funeral I was put in charge of the censor. Admittedly, I didn’t watch Al closely enough because instead of holding the vessel by its chain, I placed it in the palm of my left hand. As the old Monsignor slowly spooned incense onto the red-hot charcoal I suddenly yelled “Ouch!” and dropped the censor from my burning hand. It hit the floor in a shower of sparks as the horrified clergy and congregation looked on. No one was laughing, especially me!

The final incident happened many years later when our family attended a Holy Week liturgy. Our youngest child, Christy, was still in preschool. As the server passed by our pew swinging the censor back-and-forth, she asked, “What’s that?” My wife, Marty quickly shushed her and whispered, “I’ll tell you later!” That didn’t satisfy our precocious daughter. She demanded, “What is that!” Again, my wife whispered, “Tell you later!” By now everyone around us was aware of what was happening. Finally, Christy said out loud, “What is that!” Marty then said emphatically, “Incense!” To which Christy replied astonishingly, “Insects?!”

The liturgy was well underway before the snickering subsided. Al would have enjoyed that one!

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SHOULD WE ‘BEWARE OF THE IDES OF MARCH’?

The month of March contains some events which to look forward, namely, St. Patrick’s Day on the 17th for those who enjoy being “Irish” for a day and the first full day of spring — the Vernal Equinox — on the 19th when you can try to stand a raw egg on its end that day.

But if you’re into observing and even celebrating all kinds of anniversaries you can circle several other memorial events on your March calendar. They include: Alexander Graham Bell’s birthday in 1847 on the 3rd and his patent for the telephone in 1876 on the 7th. Since March is the windy month, don’t forget to celebrate Chinook Wind Day on the 12th. And talking about birthdays earlier, you could celebrate Albert Einstein’s on the 14th. He would be the ripe old age of 141. The first book – the Gutenberg Bible – was printed on the 22nd in 1457 and the spoon was invented on the 23rd in 19,000 B.C.

Speaking of ancient dates, the first zoo was founded on the 27th in China in 2000 B.C. and “Respect Your Cat Day” is observed on the 28th in England by the royal edit of Richard II in 1384 condemning cat eating. Ugh!

But what about the “Ides of March,” which occurs on the 15th, and we’re warned to “Beware”? Even if you relied on Cliff Notes or something else to get through Shakespeare in English class, you probably have some memory of a soothsayer warning Julius Caesar to “Beware the Ides of March.” First of all, to ask a practical question: What is/are Ides? And what exactly does “Ides of March” mean?

According to Wikipedia, the word is derived from the Latin verb iduare, which Scientific American defines as to divide. Ides bisect a month in the Roman calendar. Thus, the infamous “Ides of March” comes every year on March 15 and was a marker day used to divide the month into two. Months of the Roman calendar were arranged around three named days — the Kalends (first day of the month), the Nones (7th day in March, May, July and October; 5th in the other months) and the Ides (15th day in March, May, July and October; 13th in the other months). All these days were reference points from which the other (unnamed) days were calculated. Confused? Me too!

The expression “Beware the Ides of March” is first found in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, 1601. The line is the soothsayer’s message to Caesar, warning of his death. The Ides of March didn’t signify anything special in itself. In Shakespeare’s day it was just the usual way of saying “March 15th.” And since each month has an Ides (often the 15th), this date wasn’t significant in being associated with death prior to 1601. But on March 15 in 44 B.C., Shakespeare’s Caesar character was assassinated and so began its history as a day to lay low. The notion of the Ides being a dangerous date was purely an invention of Shakespeare’s.

(Note: Caesar didn’t “Beware the Ides of March,” and thus met his demise to the sharpened knives of literal and figurative backstabbers — including his best friend Marcus Brutus. Et tu, Brute?)

Although the brutally murdered Roman Emperor should have heeded warnings about the cursed “Ides of March” in 44 B.C., do we modern-day commoners have any cause for concern since the Ides of March just means the 15th of a month in the Roman calendar? According to the Farmer’s Almanac, in ancient times, the Ides of March also marked the first full moon of the year, which Romans celebrated with feasts and sacrifices in honor of the god Jupiter. So, unless you were livestock, the day was relatively inauspicious.

But even though it has been 2,064 years since Caesar was assassinated in 44 B.C. people are still wary of this fateful day. And, unfortunately, there have been some other momentous events that have occurred throughout history on March 15. For example:

Between 1918 and 1955, the Ides of March marked tax day in the United States

On March 15, 1938, Nazi Germany invaded Czechoslovakia
In 1941, a blizzard killed more than 150 people in Minnesota and North Dakota

The Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization issued warnings for SARS, a deadly type of pneumonia, in 2003

And in the vein of a Roman revolution, protests erupted in Syria on March 15, 2011, that led to the beginning of the country’s civil war

But, some good things have been known to occur on the Ides of March, too, including: the founding of Rolls Royce in 1906, President Lyndon B.

Johnson’s call for equal voting rights in a speech to a joint Congressional session in 1965 and the premiere of The Godfather in 1972.

While we don’t know if March 15, 2020, will hold any historical or wary events, one thing is for certain: The Ides of March will bring lots of Caesar salad puns. (Reportedly, Brutus also slipped some poisonous hemlock leaves onto Julius’ salad.) But you would have to be “Mad as a March Hare” to worry about the Ides of March. What does that phrase mean? Maybe next year.

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CELEBRATE THE SPECIAL, WACKY DAYS OF FEBRUARY

February is the third and last month of the meteorological winter in the Northern Hemisphere. And, even though there are 29 days in the month because of leap year, February is the only month of the year that can pass without a single full moon. So, it’s going to be dark outside!

For those of us in the Midwest hoping for an early spring, it looks like you may be out of luck despite what Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil has to say on Feb. 2. Chilly conditions are expected to continue for areas east of the Rockies as we head into February. And, according to the Weather Company’s Chief Meteorologist Dr. Todd Crawford, “We originally expected a spell of much warmer temperatures during late January, but it now appears that this will not occur, as another cold spell will set in as we head into February.”

So, if you’re stuck in the cold, dark recesses of your home, keep in mind that February is “Creative Romance Month” and “Great American Pie Month.”

(Take your choice!) In addition, here’s some daily bizarre and unique February holidays from www.holidayinsights.com (with a few added editorial comments by yours truly in parenthesis) you can use to celebrate each day just to brighten up your existence:

Feb. 1 – Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day (try it, you may like it; there’s probably a bacon flavor)
Feb. 2 – Groundhog Day (“The Shadow knows!”) (It’s also Super Bowl LIV in Miami)
Feb. 3 – Feed the Birds Day (good to do every day)
Feb. 4 – Thank a Mailman Day (make that “Mail Carrier” to be gender correct!)
Feb. 5 – National Weatherman’s Day (again, let’s call it Weather Forecaster’s instead)
Feb. 6 – National Chopsticks Day (might take the day to learn how to use them)
Feb. 7 – Send a Card to a Friend Day (obviously created by a card company)
Feb. 8 – Kite Flying Day (in the middle of winter?)
Feb. 9 – National Pizza Day and Toothache Day (your choice)
Feb. 10 – Clean out Your Computer Day (not sure how to do that!)
Feb. 11 – Make a Friend Day (good advice)
Feb. 12 – Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday (we used to get the day off from work)
Feb. 13 – Get a Different Name Day (unless you like your given name)
Feb. 14 – Valentine’s Day and Ferris Wheel Day (again, in the middle of winter?)
Feb. 15 – National Gum Drop Day (should have been paired with Toothache Day)
Feb. 16 – Do a Grouch a Favor Day (ought to keep us busy)
Feb. 17 – Random Acts of Kindness Day and President’s Day (some do get the day off)
Feb. 18 – National Drink Wine Day (finally!)
Feb. 19 – National Chocolate Mint Day (to cover up the alcohol on your breath?)
Feb. 20 – Love Your Pet Day and Cherry Pie Day (you can choose both)
Feb. 21 – Card Reading Day (if you remembered to thank the Mail Carrier on Feb. 4)
Feb. 22 – George Washington’s Birthday (used to get this day off, too)
Feb. 23 – Oscar Night (date varies)
Feb. 24 – National Tortilla Chip Day (add your favorite sauce)
Feb. 25 – Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday Day (date varies)
Feb. 26 – National Pistachio Day (nuts to that!)
Feb. 27 – No Brainer Day (everyone’s invited)
Feb. 28 – Public Sleeping Day (if you can find a warm, private spot)
Feb. 29 – Leap Year (discover a way to celebrate, especially if it’s your birthday!)

A final word about February: The name of the month is derived from the Latin word “februs” meaning, “to cleanse.” The month was named after the Roman Festival, Februalia, a month-long festival of purification and atonement involving offerings to the gods, prayer and sacrifices. If you were a wealthy Roman who didn’t have to go out and work, you could literally spend the entire month of February in prayer and meditation, atoning for your misdeeds during the other eleven months of the year.

Doesn’t sound nearly as fun as celebrating the above wacky days of February.

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WHAT’S IN STORE FOR US IN 2020?

It’s hard to believe we’re living in the year 2020 (MMXX)! It’s a leap year in the Gregorian calendar containing 366 days with February 29 as the extra day. It’s also an Olympic year with summer games in Tokyo. This new year, in fact, is marked with great significance.

The expression “20/20” is so commonplace in the United States there’s even been a TV newsmagazine named after it since 1978. The show’s name and other references derive from the “20/20” measurement of visual acuity. By looking at lots of people, eye doctors decided what a “normal” human being should be able to see when standing 20 feet away from an eye chart. If you have 20/20 vision, it means when you stand 20 feet away from the chart you can see what the “normal” human being can see. There’s also the saying that “hindsight is 20/20” meaning when you look back at things in the past, because you have the benefit of knowing the future so to speak, you can see what you couldn’t see back when you made your initial decision.

Not since 1919, have we had a double-digit year. And there won’t be another one until 2121 – 101 years from now.

Was 1919 a good double-digit year? Many historians today summarize 1919 as one of the worst years in 20th century American history. World War I was over and most Americans were eager for peace and security; however, 1919 would prove to be anything but. Revolution and unrest ran rampant across Europe and North America, and the Flu Pandemic continued in the U.S. from the prior year with a third brutal wave in the spring that took the lives of 185,440 people. Terrorist bombings shocked seven U.S. cities in June, the first of a series of “Red Scares” began when the government passed an act that blacklisted anyone thought to be involved with communism, race riots rocked the nation and hundreds of workers went on strike across the country. The adoption of constitutional amendments giving women the vote and establishing Prohibition denoted the high-water mark of the moral impulses of the Progressive era.

In addition, voters grew disillusioned during the Woodrow Wilson years, with many feeling the President and the Progressives went too far, alienating people from the government. And even though WWI had ended, anxious citizens questioned the reasons and results of the war.

Even in the sports world, on Oct. 9, 1919, the first major scandal in Major League Baseball — and to this day, the worst – occurred when nine players from the Chicago White Sox threw the World Series to the Cincinnati Reds. It is forever known as the Black Sox Scandal with players, such as immortal Shoeless Joe Jackson, banned from the game and Hall of Fame forever.

On a brighter note, dial telephones were introduced by the American Telephone and Telegraph Company with the first rotary dial telephones in the Bell System installed in Norfolk, Virginia. The pop-up toaster, short wave radios and arc welders also were invented in the U.S.

After looking at 1919, the year 2020 seems futuristic and awesome. A century ago, no one could have predicted it would kick off a half century of unprecedented productivity.

Current future forecasters say 2020 will include driverless cars becoming mainstream. But while that idea still seems like science fiction, experts predict there will be 10 million of them on the road in 2020. And, are we ready for moon mining with maybe robotic moon bases, chips implanted in our brains and a high-speed rail linking London to Beijing? According to a dazzling number of technology predictions that single out the year 2020, it may be one heck of a year! Let’s take a look at what some prognosticators say are some of the other wonders that may be in store for us in the new year.

Predictors say there’s no technological reason why Japan shouldn’t be able to move forward with its ambitious plan to build a robotic lunar outpost in 2020 — built by robots, for robots. And the U.S. military has pledged to get half its energy from renewable resources this year. Universal translation will be commonplace in mobile devices, there will be advances in artificial organs and 3D-video conferencing, while a $1,000 computer will have the processing power of the human brain. And once we have such a computer, can we build a complete synthetic human brain from scratch? Researchers at Switzerland’s Blue Brain Project think so.

In 2020, forecasters also predict world sales of electric vehicles will reach 6,600,000; solar energy will become more economical than regular electricity in more than half of the U.S., more people, in fact, will own a phone than have electricity; and the world’s population is forecasted to reach 7,758,156,000.

Finally, here are some hilarious predictions about the year 2020 that at some point in time, people really expected to happen: We’ll have personal helicopters, live in flying houses, all roads will become tubes, nobody will work because everyone will be rich, mail will be sent via rocket, we’ll be able to vote electronically from home, have robots as therapists, everyone will be a vegetarian and we’ll finally make it to Mars.

We would not go as far as to say that future is now, but the potential is undeniably there.

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HEY, SANTA, WHAT’S IN YOUR SACK FOR US OLDER FOLKS?

When we’re young – that is, before retirement – there seems to be plenty of goodies in Santa’s bag to satisfy even the pickiest present person.

For youngsters and teens, it’s any gizmo that’s electronic, especially if it’s a gadget fresh off the market and unlike what any of their friends may have.

For young and middle-age adults, it’s something fashionable and trendy – anything that says they’re up-to-date and engaged in pursuit of what it takes to be popular, successful and having the “right stuff” when it comes to education, experience, a career and prestige.

But what about those of us who are retired? Most of us don’t want or need the latest cell phone or electronic what-cha-ma-call-it that’s going to frustrate the heck out of us in trying to work it. And if we haven’t got grandchildren handy to teach us how to operate the device, forget it!

After retirement, who cares what we did or didn’t do in school, on our job, or in the community. We might hang on to some of our accomplishments for awhile but eventually we’re going to find ourselves left behind, forgotten and “on the shelf,” so to speak.

Am I being too negative about aging and retirement? But let’s face it. All those things we used to be so concerned about and engaged in are fading into the distance. The advancements being made in the job or career we left behind are passing us by day after day. The connections we had in our community when we needed to know something are changing as well. Ever try to find a business or a person’s address in the phone book? Ever try to find a phone book?

When we used to get together with friends we talked about our job, our children’s school activities and their future, our plans for a larger house, a bigger car, new appliances and lawn equipment, vacations to exotic places and experiences. Now when we gather with those long-time friends we talk about our health, our doctors, our surgeries and those whom we know who are not doing well.

When we travel somewhere, attend an event or engage in any activity, it seems as though everyone is passing us by. We don’t drive and walk as fast, hear and see as well or think and react as quickly as when we were younger.

What can Santa put in our Christmas stocking that will help us older folks achieve increased happiness and fulfillment?

The first gift we need is hope. Hope is what gets us up every morning and moves our feet through each day. Hope is the courage to dream and the wisdom that helps us heal. Hope is a light in the darkness. It’s positive thinking, giving us confidence that most things are going to turn out alright.

Hope is not negative, it’s optimistic. Hope is seeing the glass half-full, even if it contains Ensure. When we are hopeful, we look with anticipation on the bright side of events in our life. We live confidently and unafraid of what the future may bring.

Next, we need charity. While it’s often called love, charity is more than a subjective feeling or even an objective action of the will toward other people. It’s a virtue, which means being more generous with our time, treasure and talent. Charity allows us to give freely without expecting anything in return. We mentioned above that being retired means we’re out of the rat race, so to speak. Most of us, hopefully, don’t need to concern ourselves as much with making a living, getting ahead or raising a family.

We need to look for areas around us where we can give of our time and talent, such as volunteering at a soup kitchen, visiting residents in nursing homes and friends in the hospital. Donations and volunteers are needed everywhere from animal shelters, charities and community centers. It seems that in our busy lives nowadays many of us have forgotten how to appreciate and empathize with others. And when we volunteer our services, we move away from only thinking of ourselves.

Thirdly, I think we need the gift of making good choices. Happiness is a choice, not a trait. We ourselves elect to be happy and content, helping bring fulfillment into our lives. If we visualize the things that worked well in the past, we can apply them to help us find happiness in the future.

By the way, whether you call him St. Nicholas, Kris Kringle or just plain Santa, he’s not just going to pass out these gifts to us on Christmas morning. We’ve got to reach into his bag of goodies and take them for ourselves.

Finally, despite what I said earlier about avoiding electronic gadgets and new technology, let us be open to changes and learn new ways of doing things. Change happens every minute of the day. Happy and fulfilled people embrace change instead of trying to fight against it.

Nevertheless, let us vow this New Year’s Eve to keep our grandchildren’s phone numbers handy, just in case!

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IN SEARCH OF AN OPENING SONG OR … SOMETHING

Many years ago, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to see a show in Las Vegas starring the late comedian George Burns. The only disappointment about his appearance was that it didn’t include his wonderful wife, Gracie Allen, who died in 1964.

For those not familiar with this famous couple, Burns and Allen had one of the most enduring acts in the history of show business. They were headliners in Vaudeville in the 1920s, on radio in the ‘30s and ‘40s, and for nearly a full decade on television in the ‘50s.

Even as a single act, Burns was his usual unflappable self. With cigar in hand, he addressed the Vegas audience and philosophized about finding just the right opening song. You may remember he had a penchant for knowing the lyrics to hundreds of songs, including the little-known verses which preceded a familiar melody. For more than an hour, Burns tried out numerous “opening songs.” But every time he got to the recognizable tune, he stopped the pit orchestra and rejected the song as not being quite appropriate to open his act. As you might surmise, he never did find the right opening song, and his performance consisted of amazing and entertaining the audience with his vast knowledge of words and music.

So, if it worked for George Burns, it should work for me in finding a topic to write about. And, like the inappropriate “opening song,” the words may not mount up enough to create a full story, so we’ll try out several ideas. Here goes:

Have you ever been at a loss for words as I appear to be now? It may have happened in school when the instructor called upon you, as he did me, to summarize the homework reading assignment for the rest of the class. Quickly formulating something worthwhile to say is a daunting experience to say the least. I remember the instructor giving me a minute or so to compose my thoughts before I spoke. I didn’t fail the course so I must have survived that abysmal moment.

Obviously, that incident was not enough to barely make a paragraph. Let’s try something else which is the opposite of being speechless and that is saying as much as possible to fill out a time period.

This incident involved another professor who assigned each member of his class an individual research assignment that counted for a big portion of the final grade. He knew everyone’s topic well enough to even assign individuals books to read on their subject. The assignment also required every student to make a 90-minute presentation on his/her topic toward the end of the semester. (It was a three-hour class). The first classmate to sort of fulfill this requirement talked for just 20 minutes. So, the professor quizzed him about his subject matter for the remaining 70 minutes. It was painful for the rest of us to watch. You can bet that the remaining members of the class each tried to keep talking for the full 90 minutes. I think I talked about my family, my hometown, my hobbies and interests – anything to fill up the time period so the prof wouldn’t interrogate me about all I didn’t discover about my topic.

Next, admittedly, I’m not good with names. Usually, when I’m introduced to someone, I’m more occupied with thinking of something clever to say that the person’s name immediately escapes me. The so-called experts say you should develop a nonmonic, a memory aid, to help you recall something. For example, let’s say the person’s name is Alice. Immediately, I should think of something like the Simon and Garfunkel song, “You Can Call Me Al,” and then picture her with a block of ice on her head: Al-ice! But I think that’s more unwieldly than just remembering a person’s name.

This last incident didn’t involve a loss of words but a lack of notes in an opening song, if you will. I was in high school and invited to play a trumpet solo at an assembly of some kind with students, parents, friends and relation all in attendance. My poor mother, who was an excellent musician, accompanied my solo on the piano. Needless to say, I was a bit nervous, so much so that my mouth dried up. When I began to play, many of the notes just didn’t sound. There was a lot of air escaping from my trumpet but not many of them were “noteworthy.” It didn’t help my embarrassment afterward when my favorite uncle said, “What I could hear sounded pretty good.”

Well, that’s it. We made it to the end of this article by writing about words and some missing notes. Let’s end with an appropriate word quote from Mark Twain. “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”

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I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Well, obviously I do want to talk about it, or I wouldn’t be writing this article. But I’m just going to tell it once here and then I don’t want to discuss it any further.

As you may know, if you read the article I wrote last month, we moved – again! And in the midst of the myriad of stuff we came across a decorative board we thought would make an excellent fireplace mantel. It served as a shelf in our previous home. Once it may have been a headboard, a piece off of a cabinet or hutch; who knows. Marty got it at an auction.

Its length was perfect but it was a little too wide. So, I dutifully set up my sawhorses, got out my saber saw and fixed a wood blade in it, secured my protective goggles, found the masking tape and made ready to begin sawing the back end of the board where there appeared to be a hairline crack running the length of the wood.

Then she came out into the garage. Marty, that is, and said, “You’re going to put masking tape along where you’re cutting aren’t you so the wood doesn’t splinter?” I answered, “Of course, I was just getting ready to do that!” Then Marty said, “Wait a minute. I’ll bet you could just do a couple of taps with a hammer on the back end of the board where it’s already split and that piece would come right off. I think it’s just glued on.”

“Oh no, that won’t work,” I said. “Hitting it with a hammer would just cause it to splinter. I’m just going to begin slowly sawing …”

Wham! Marty hit the back end of the board with a hammer and … Splat! The back of the board fell off cleanly onto the garage floor.

After her laughter subsided somewhat I opened the door into the house and politely asked her to leave. But, I could still hear her cackling and chortling inside for several more minutes. Most of the morning, in fact.

I pride myself on being a good reader and speaker. I read for the sight impaired with the Allen County Public Library’s audio reading service, I serve as an announcer at concerts for the Fort Wayne Area Community Band and I proclaim Scripture readings at St. Therese Church. On one occasion many years ago, I was reading the prayer petitions in church and sternly said, “Let us pray for Pen-a-lope Martin who is in the hospital.”

When I returned to the pew and sat down next to Marty, she asked, “Let me see those petitions.” Then she whispered, “That’s Pe-nel-o-pe, not Pen-a-lope!” The snickering began, but since we were in church, she had to stifle it until Mass was over and we were outside.

I argued that the muskmelon variety is pronounced “can-ta-loupe” so it was only natural for me to say Pen-a-lope, but to no avail. Like I said, I don’t want to talk about it!

Finally, just so you know, it happens to other people, too. I worked with a colleague who didn’t get along with our boss very well. They met in the restroom on a Tuesday morning years ago after ABC first began televising Monday Night Football. There were three renowned broadcasters, now all deceased, serving for years on those telecasts: American Sports Journalist, Author and Broadcaster Howard Cosell, widely known for his blustery, often-pompous personality; laid-back Joseph “Dandy Don” Meredith, a former Dallas Cowboys quarterback, sports commentator and actor; and Frank Gifford, a past halfback and flanker for the New York Giants who served as the play-by-play announcer and commentator. But the boss couldn’t quite remember Gifford’s name and said to my work associate, “Wha-cha-think of that broadcasting team last night, especially Charlie Gifford. My colleague countered with “Who?” The boss then exclaimed, “What? You don’t know who Charlie Gifford is! Big sports enthusiast like you who follows all the games. Surely you should know who he is. He played for the Giants and is married to television personality Kathie Lee Gifford.”

“Oh, you mean Frank Gifford,” my colleague rejoined.

“I guess it is Frank,” mumbled the boss as he hurriedly left the restroom, tossing a paper towel toward the wastebasket but missing the mark.

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HATS OFF, BUT NOT TO ME!

We know we said we wouldn’t, our children said we shouldn’t and our friends said we couldn’t, but we moved again anyway! This was number 13 in nearly 52 years of marriage. That’s an average of four years living in each apartment or house, which doesn’t sound very long even though we stayed in the home where we raised our four children for more than 12 years.

Admittedly, moving is never easy especially this time at our age even though it was just six houses down the same street. That’s right, six houses! But that didn’t make it that much easier. It was still a move! And we’ve got a garage half full of extra stuff even though we tried to give some things to our children — but as you probably know, our kids don’t want our keep sakes – and the rest went to, or is going to, charities, an auction house, a garage sale and into our new attic.

Among the many so-called “treasures” I ran across during the move was a display case containing medals I won in the annual NISBOVA (Northern Indiana School Band, Orchestra, Vocal Association) solo and ensemble contests at both local and state levels. The case also held the emblem off my band hat from Central Catholic High School (CCHS). The school, on the corner of Lewis and Clinton streets in downtown Fort Wayne, was closed in 1972 and eventually torn down.

Both Mary Lou (Thieme) Morris and I were members of the CCHS Band and now play in the Fort Wayne Area Community Band (FWACB). But after talking with her following a recent Community Band rehearsal, I was both surprised and then felt sort of like a petty thief whose crime had caught up with him.

Mary Lou took on the enormous task of creating a collection of artifacts from the CCHS Band and they are now showcased at Bishop Dwenger High School. She and a few others, including several donors, amassed an impressive display of band memorabilia, i.e. uniforms, banners, drum major and majorette paraphernalia, batons, medals, etc. But the collection includes only two white band hats from all the many young musicians who marched and played in that high school “Fighting Irish” band. And one of those hats just recently found is mine, Mary Lou told me! My name is lettered inside it, but it’s missing its emblem, she related.

Am I ashamed? You bet! And as I’m writing this exposé that emblem with CCHS displayed above a golden eagle is now setting next to my keyboard. And after our next FWACB rehearsal it’s going to be given to Mary Lou to be returned to the front of my empty hat. And then I’m going to show her that glass case containing 30 tarnished medals, hopefully, for the CCHS Band collection as well. Better they continue decaying in a display case at Dwenger than in our dingy attic!

Finally, I’ve got one more confession to make. I’ve got another golden emblem off a band hat from the one I wore with the University of Notre Dame “Fighting Irish” Marching Band. Honestly, folks, I’m not in the habit of stealing and I don’t recall taking anything else of value. But if someone from the Community Band is reading this, not to worry. We don’t wear hats because we don’t march. And besides, we’re not known as a “Band of the Fighting Irish.”

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THE MAGNIFICENT EIGHT

The name of this month, of course, is October. It comes from the Latin, “octo,” for “eight,” because in the Roman Calendar this was the eighth month. But in the Gregorian Calendar, which we use, this is the tenth month.

When we discover something curious of this nature – statements, facts, discoveries – while looking for something else — this experience is called serendipity, the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident. So, let’s look for seven more serendipitous statements.

We are indebted to English Author Horace Walpole for our second discovery – the word serendipity. He formed the word from an old name for Sri Lanka, Serendip. Walpole explained this name was part of the title of “a silly fairytale called The Three Princes of Serendip: As their highnesses traveled, they always were making discoveries, by accident and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of …”

Next on our list of discoveries is the period at the end of this sentence. It looks innocent enough. But scientists tell us the universe is which we exist with about a 100 billion galaxies, some 14 billion years ago, was contained in a speck smaller than a period. The speck expanded suddenly in a billionth of a second bringing the universe – and the Big-Bang theory – into existence.

Continuing the topic of the universe, the sun is so large that, if it were hollow, it could contain more than one million worlds the size of our earth. And there are stars in space so large they easily could hold 500 million suns the size of ours.

Fifth, the Monarch butterfly makes an annual migration across North America to avoid winter weather. In autumn, tens of millions of Monarchs fly south and roost in huge numbers on trees in selected mountain areas of California and Mexico. Their journey can cover more than 2,000 miles. In addition, Monarch butterflies use the same trees year after year. Each butterfly, in fact, reportedly returns to the same branch!

New species of underwater life, including a giant sea spider and armored shrimps, have been discovered by an expedition trawling in deep water northwest of New Zealand. Researchers on a joint NZ and Australian voyage also found many species new to science, including new sharks and rays, redfish, rattails and a range of invertebrates. In total, 500 species of fish and 1,300 invertebrates were discovered.

About 8.7-million plants, animals, fungi and single-celled organisms are thought to exist on Earth, although estimates for this figure range from 3 million to 100 million. Around 1.7- million species have already been classified, but this leaves the vast majority of life on Earth undescribed or undiscovered. Most of those species yet to be discovered are likely to be tiny, such as bacteria and insects, and inhabit poorly explored areas like the deep ocean and soil. However, larger animals, to include rodents, snakes, salamanders and even primates, are still being found. Between 1999 and 2010, a staggering 615 new species were discovered on the island of Madagascar alone, including 69 amphibians, 61 reptiles and 41 mammals.

Finally, Emperor penguins live in the coldest climate on earth. Temperatures can drop as low as minus 140 degrees Fahrenheit on the Antarctic ice. After mating, the female lays one large egg. The egg immediately is rolled to the top of the male’s feet where it is incubated by a thick fold of skin that hangs from his belly. The males manage to survive by standing huddled in groups for up to nine weeks. During this time the female returns to the open sea to feed while the male continues to keep the egg warm, often losing about half of his body weight because he does not eat. (See the film, March of the Penguins).

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GOOD TO THE LAST DROP!

Every once in a while, a gem comes along via e-mail that is worth keeping and repeating. Here’s such a jewel titled: “A mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.”

A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and filled it with golf balls. He asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He asked the students again if the jar was full and they agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. The sand filled up the visible remaining space. Once more he asked if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured their entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space within the sand. The students laughed. “Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – God, your family, children, health, friends and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, home and car. The sand is everything else – the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

“The same goes for life, if you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you never will have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with you children and grandchildren. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There always will be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Legend attributes the Maxwell House Coffee slogan, “Good to the last drop,” to President Theodore Roosevelt. Once, while a guest, he was asked if he wanted another cup of coffee. “Teddy” is said to have replied, “Will I have another? Delighted! It’s good to the last drop!”

Finally, not only is coffee “good to the last drop,” so is all of life! In a hurry to rush onto life’s next experience, we frequently leave lots of life “untasted,” concentrating only on the sand – the small stuff. So, when things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar “filled” with golf balls. And please share this with someone your care about. We just did – you, our loyal readers!

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