ONE HELLVETIUS HOT SUMMER – Home Country
Windy’s pickup truck was the third one to arrive at the scene of the fender bender. Both cars pretty well plugged up the road, and once it was determined no one was hurt, and the police had been called, Windy surveyed the situation.
1.Weather – decent if you’re wearing a coat.
2.No one’s going anywhere for a while.
3.A small crowd had gathered on the shoulder of the road.
A small crowd? Nay I say unto you, not in the world of Alphonse “Windy” Wilson. That there, gentle reader, is an audience.
“You folks come here often?” he asked these strangers. They looked at the fields and the cattle and shook their heads no. That, you see, was the icebreaker. The tip of the iceberg icebreaker.
“Yessir, now you take in there these car accidentals. Brings me to mind of the time ol’ Harvey drove his wheel tractor flat into Myers Lake that morning. Seems his occidental rod twitched into third degree and afore you know it, he’d had a discomfortation right there in the water.
“Nice warm day, howsomever. Summer you know. Yessir. That was the summer it heated up so much Old Man Garcia’s hens started layin’ soft-boiled eggs. That’s a fact. He brought one over to my house and he cracked it open and showed me. Soft-boiled. Sure as sugar. He took one down to the Mule Barn truck stop and showed it to the boys later. It sure did make them laugh. Saw ‘em through the winder.
“It was so hot people in these parts started running between shady patches. It was so hot … well sir, me and Doc figured ol’ Harve mighta just driv that tractor into the lake on purpose! Had to wader on outta there, ‘course, and that cooled him down a mite. Ever’ kid in town had one a them squirter guns, and may my spur rowels lock tight and get the peewaddles if there weren’t grown-ups askin’ them kids to squirt ‘em!”
“Now when’s the last time you saw that? Thought so. That was one hellvetius hot summer, friend, and you can tell ‘em I said so.”
Listen to Windy’s Words of Wisdom on the Home Country podcast at www.homecountryshow.com.
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