HERE’S TO YOUR HEALTH

This week’s HTYH is the beginning of an Alanon lady’s story whose name is Ellen: When I was growing up it never was my intention to become a member of Alanon–I’d never heard of Alanon. What I wanted to be was somebody’s wife and a mother. And I was going to be the best wife and mother in the whole wide world. What I actually ended up being though was somebody’s judge and pseudo executioner.

When I first came to Alanon I didn’t want to be there and to make matters worse, an enthusiastic A.A. greeter shook my hand, wouldn’t let go and greeted me, he said, “HI THERE, WELCOME TO A.A.” I quietly whispered, “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m looking for Alanon, where’s the Alanon meeting?” His voiced dropped and he said, (I’m not making this up) but of course, you wouldn’t know–I’m a professional, “Oh, Alanon ah, well you’ll have to go to the big room with the little tables where the miserable, sick, purse lipped, blue haired people are?” After his introduction, I wanted to be an alcoholic because the alcoholic women were all laughing and having fun–more fun than their sober purse lipped Alanon husbands.  So, I wanted to be an alcoholic, but I had no idea how long that would take and I needed to be an alcoholic that afternoon. And there’s a real danger that if I did start drinking I would become alcoholic so I decided I needed to just look like an alcoholic. Some A.A. women told me that I’m within a few drinks from being a real alcoholic, and alcoholic women saved my life.  I did not come to Alanon to surrender and I doubt if others did either, I came more as a last resort looking for something that would work. I wanted to learn how to have power over my husband and children so I could get them to do what I wanted them to do–make me happy.

If you’re new to Alanon and you’re not 100 percent sure you’ve surrendered then you probably have not. If you have not totally surrendered that’s OK because if you hang around Alanon long enough you eventually will. And if you don’t surrender at the next opportunity just wait until an even bigger problem comes along and then you can surrender. Not to worry, the problems will keep coming and sooner or later you will surrender. There’s no shortage of problems and surrenders–we’re not limited to one per customer.

I came to Alanon looking for something that would work and make me feel better, surrender was not in my vocabulary, but it happened about three years into the program. After I came to a big black hole and was about to fall in, I didn’t have to explain it to the A.A. women because they had been there before.

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One night at my club a wonderful old A.A. woman said to me, “Honey, those Alanons mean well, but they don’t have a clue. I am a Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) Alanon even though in some parts of our country that’s not acceptable. If it’s not approved Alanon literature it’s not acceptable but my Alanon group uses the Big Book. I did however have to read the Big Book about 42 times before I stopped highlighting things and turning down the corners of pages for my husband and mother to read. One night on about the 43^rd time through it, I said, “Oh my God, this book is about me.” I have the same disease and thinking problem they do but alcohol was not my solution.

After having had this revelation, I decided that I should go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and I imagined what an alcoholic woman must look like and dressed accordingly. I wore skin-tight pants and spike high heels to my first A.A. meeting. To be continued.