HERE’S TO YOUR HEALTH
This week’s HTYH is the end of Polly’s story: Frank (my A.A. sponsor), suggested that Dave and I should incorporate A.A.’s 12 Traditions into our relationship. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous said, “Patience and tolerance should be our code.” Frank said, “Polly, you and Dave must plant yourselves firmly in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.” Dave and I started looking around the rooms at other A.A. and Alanon couples who hooked up and we liked what we saw. We met a couple in Omaha named Dick and Peggy, we watched them and they began to tell us how they applied A.A.’s Traditions to their relationship. What a concept. Whenever I have a question or need, I can find the answer in the Big Book or in the 12 Traditions written in the back of it.
Frank suggested that since I was living with an alcoholic, I should attend Alanon meetings too and at the Alanon meetings, I met a beautiful Alanon sponsor named Sally. Sally and her husband Albert are Alanon members and members of A.A. who are about to celebrate fifty years together and we wanted what they had. If you can find a hero in A.A. or Alanon and you want what they have then do what they did.
Today, I’m more in love with Dave more than ever before. I absolutely treasure him and our daily routines are nothing alike. Fortunately, our alcoholic thinking does not flare up at the same time, but if it does, we can go to separate meetings. I stay close to God by talking on the telephone and doing service work for Alcoholics Anonymous while Dave stays close to God by putting a forty pound bag on his back, hiking in the mountains and when he’s not on a mountain, he’s on a computer.
I used to think I was stupid, but now believe I’m heart, or emotion centered. Dave does the thinking and I do the talking; we are not at all alike. But we have A.A. in common, our relationship is grounded in its 12 Steps and Traditions. What I’ve learned in the rooms of A.A. is to let Dave be the best Dave he can be and to work full time at making Polly the best Polly she can be. We bring that concept together in our relationship. We have a date night and other special times together so our relationship continues to grow and neither of us knew anything about these things before A.A.
One of the women I sponsor was in a bad environment so we yanked her out of a questionable recovery house and moved her in with us. Susie taught us things we never knew but now that she’s leaving the nest, we get to experience the joy of seeing a fledgling’s first flight into a sober world. I experienced living with two alcoholics, 24 hours a day, seven days a week and it was a blessing. We learned what Frank meant when he said, “Love is not a feeling; it’s an action.”
A few years ago Dave lost his job and bad things began to happen, we learned what it was like to lose our house and to file bankruptcy. I made a fist at God and said, “How can you let these things happen to us?” After all, Dave and I did so much service work for AA. “Look at all the people we sponsored and now you’re treating us like this” and etc. But then I remembered it’s not right to expect to be rewarded for doing the next right thing. Suddenly all of my character defects, ego, arrogance and false pride came screaming back. I wasn’t really concerned about Dave’s job but rather, “What will people think?” Because Dave lost his job we are closer than ever and we’ve learned to receive whatever comes and accept life on life’s terms. We lost a lot of material things but we gained each other, our families and our relationship with our children. And, for that we are truly grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous…The End.
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