HERE’S TO YOUR HEALTH

This week’s HTYH is a continuation of Larcine’s story: My husband went through a hospital alcohol and drug treatment program and we did all of the family stuff to support him while he was in there. After his release they gave me a book entitled “The Family Afterwards.” It was all about the poor suffering alcoholic and what he needed to recover, there was a list of things I should do and criteria for how I should act; I about gagged. I am, however, a rules follower and so I decided to do those things even if he killed me. The hospital introduced Butch to Alcoholics Anonymous and he fell in love with A.A. For the first six months after his release I went to meetings with him because I wanted to make sure he learned everything that he was supposed to know. He got a sponsor and studied the book Alcoholics Anonymous, but I soon tired of the meetings. I thought to myself, how dumb are you, there are only 12 steps to learn? He made it perfectly clear to me that A.A. was the most important thing in his life because if he didn’t stay sober he would loose everything, the kids, his job and me. He said it would have to be that way until the end of his life and I could like it or not, but that was my choice to make.

One of the things on my list of things to do was get to at least one Alanon meeting (for the family of alcoholics). I wasn’t happy about that, but I went to an Alanon meeting and said to them, “I came here a year ago, but you didn’t tell me squat about how to get my husband sober, and now that he’s sober, I’m not going to tell you how I did it. Thank you very much, I’ve done my one Alanon meeting and I walked out. That was my attitude at that time; I was still ticked off because they had told me I should not say one word to Butch about his drinking and that I should work on myself. The truth was that I really had no idea how Butch got sober but in my mind, it was probably because of my determination and I deserved all of the credit for being such a good wife.

Butch kept going to A.A. meetings; he worked all the steps with his sponsor and continued to grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally while I continued to get sicker and sicker. I could not let go of his past transgressions. As much as I liked him being sober, I could not turn off the mad, the bad feelings, and the old habit of looking at the negative side of everything; it just wouldn’t stop.  By then Butch had been sober more than two years, he went to work every day and brought home his pay check and surpassed every expectation that I ever had for him about being a good husband, but I nevertheless was miserable. It was sort of like being out of a job. It had become my job to do everything he couldn’t do when he was drunk and I had become accustomed to doing it all, paying the bills, looking after our children and taking care of him too. After Butch got sober he took care of himself and did more than his fair share of the domestic chores; I was less needed and angrier.

Click to advertise on this website

After a few years Butch tricked me into going to a conference with him in Palm Springs, CA. It was an A.A. conference and while we were there, I heard an Alanon speaker’s story. There was no way to escape hearing what that speaker said and as I listened, I became a little-bit willing to open-up my mind. After that conference, I started attending Alanon meetings for the right reason; I didn’t go there to get Butch sober; he was already sober. I went to Alanon to help me recover because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I surrendered to Alanon, Halleluiah; I don’t have to suffer any longer.