MAE JULIAN
I am a fairly avid reader, and pretty selective about what I spend my time reading because of the value I put on both. It is interesting to note the changes of my preferences as I go through life. When I was in my in my 40’s I read the sequel books: Winds of War and War and Remembrance that have stayed with me ever more. I loved Lonesome Dove, which won the Pulitzer Prize. Its characters are so endearing to me, that when I neared the end of the book, I would only allow myself one page a day, so reluctant was I to surrender my characters. Excellent writing is such a gift.
Today, a few weeks after finishing a book of such magnitude and depth, I find myself in many “mind-wandering” moments, straying back to the words and the story. It is most certainly a book that will be most appreciated by women, because it is about women. It is like connecting with a friend of one or two centuries ago. The author uses her words as strokes of a pen in a gifted hand. I find it enriching to read words that speak of something so deep and engrained in our souls that it passes from one generation to the next, regardless of the culture. Such is this book.
If you love excellent books and wish to read one that will take your breath away, read Snow flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. The “best friends” of that time were called “laotong’s”. They use a written language known only to the females, known as nu shu, a unique language that the Chinese women created themselves to communicate in secret, away from the prying eyes of men. It was a society in which women have no real use except to bear sons. Daughters are of little use, and are considered of no value in this society. When they marry, they go to the husband’s home, many times never to see their families again.
Through nu-shu, the girls two laotongs (best friends) write messages back and forth on a fan. The depth of Lily and Snow Flower’s love and friendship, and the secrets they share, will bring you memories of your own life. It will bring to mind your own best friend; your own Laotong. One part of the book almost brought me to tears. The foot binding: Lisa See writes with the effectiveness that makes you hold onto your own toes whilst she is describing it. I felt as though I were there in the room, feeling every agony and wanting to cry out for her mother to stop. I remember in History class learning about foot binding in ancient Chinese culture. And that is all I knew about it. After reading this book you will understand foot binding as you never have before. This book is not only poignant and disturbing but it brings to the forefront feelings and emotions in such a way that perhaps only women understand.
In a personal way, I think all of the women who read this book will identify with what happened between Lily and Snow Flower. In the back of the book the author asks a question: Have you ever had an experience where one of your messages was misunderstood because of lack of text, facial or body gestures and tone of voice? When I put the book down, I spent several days thinking of this question in my own life.
I believe those who read this incredibly deeply-researched and well-written novel will connect to Lily and Snow Flower. It is a story about friendship and what it means to be a woman.
Even though our lives are completely different from those lived by the nu shu writers, inside we are the same. We want people to hear our thoughts, appreciate our creativity, and feel empathy for sometimes thorny relationships. On the surface, we as American women are independent, free, and mobile, but at our cores we still long for love, friendship, happiness, tranquility, and to be heard.
I hope all of the women who read this column will take the opportunity to buy, borrow or go on line and get a copy. You will find yourself wanting to discuss it with all your friends. Perhaps friendship is the highest form of love. I wonder. Mae.
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