HERE’S TO YOUR HEALTH
This week, “HTYH” is a continuation of Keith L.’s story: I promised God if He would let our baby live, I would quit drinking alcohol, but 12 hours later I was drunk.
One of my favorite philosopher’s is a Frenchman named Blasé Pasquel, who said, “God created man in His image, unfortunately Man returned the favor.” I had created a God in my mind that would kill a baby because her father was spiritually sick. That’s not the God I serve today, and by His grace that tiny baby is a magnificent young lady.
The doctors told me back then, “even if this child lives she will likely be retarded,” but today she’s a graduate from Auburn University. At her graduation, I told her and her husband that I wondered how she could do so well in college and be retarded. Her husband is a dentist and he too is a wonderful young man.
Some time ago, I was speaking in the Texas panhandle and I called her on the phone and she was crying. I said, “What’s the matter, Sweetheart?” She said, “Daddy, I have kidney stones and the pain is causing me to have contractions and I’m afraid my little girl will be born premature; just like me.” I told her, “If your baby is born “just like you,” you will be the luckiest woman in the world.” An A.A. friend loaned me her car, I drove for three hours to where she was in Alabama and we held each other in our arms. We cried and prayed together and her second daughter was born perfectly normal and she too is a wonderful young lady.
Eventually my wife asked me to leave; she was seeing a psychologist trying to understand why I drank so much. And so, he asked to see me. I knew he was going to ask about my drinking and that I was in deep trouble, so I decided that when possible, I was going to be honest with him. I went to his office and he said to me, “Your wife tells me you drink a lot.” I said, “I do drink a lot.” He said, “How much do you drink?” I said, “About a half a quart a day,” which was about half of what I was drinking, but I thought since I wasn’t paying for all of it, it didn’t count. Anyway, I said, “Do you think I’m an alcoholic?” He said, “No, no that’s not your real problem, your problem is that you have a poor self-image.” And then he said to my wife, “And, part of the problem is yours because you tear him down?” I said to myself, “I don’t know what we’re paying this guy but he’s worth every dime.” The psychologist gave me a list of affirmations and the idea was for me to stand in front of the mirror each morning and affirm myself. And, my wife was supposed to stand next to me to help me with this process and undue some of the damage she had done to me. I was so happy to find out I wasn’t an alcoholic that I celebrated that night and got drunker than usual. The next morning, I was standing all alone in front of the mirror affirming myself because my wife left me! I stood trembling in front of the mirror with my yellow bloodshot eyes looking at me and said, “Keith, today you’re a winner, you’re a wonderful husband and a loving father, today, you’re a gifted researcher?” I got about half way through my affirmation list when I suddenly said out loud, “Keith, today you’re full of crap, that’s what you are!” I might be an alcoholic, but I wasn’t a stupid alcoholic.
Later at an A.A. meeting an old-timer said to me, “Keith, what do you think your problem is?” I said, “I think I’m suffering from a poor self-image.” He said, “I’ve heard some of your stories and if you didn’t have such a poor self-image, you’d be a psychopath.” Those old guys taught us with humor.
After my wife asked me to leave, I moved into the basement of a house on the skid-row of Washington D.C. I was still working at the hospital, but I was in terrible shape. On May 13th 1973, I went into that skid-row basement bathroom with every intention of ending my life…
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