MAE JULIAN
The Power of‑ “NO”
You know how, as a child, you hear something about a relative, but it is always just a “fact” and you don’t know what really happened?‑ All families have such “truths” and the kids never get around to seeking out the facts of the matter. Like when my brother, Bob, went to Jewett, Illinois where our relatives live, to find the truth of how Uncle Oscar went blind. We had always heard the story that he went blind because he quit smoking. Well, being little kids, we just accepted that as fact. But when we became adults, it was obvious that people don’t go blind from not smoking.‑ So,…my brother went to Jewett on a fact-finding mission, before Uncle Oscar died. Bob had the only conversation he had ever had with him, apart from family reunions. Uncle Oscar told him the story of how he went blind. It had nothing to do with his quitting smoking. Anyway, stories like that surely circulate in all families.
I always had a curiosity about my Aunt Cecil. She and Uncle George always seemed like a mismatched couple, even while I was a child and too young to question such things. I noticed, when I went to stay overnight with my cousin, that Uncle George and Aunt Cecil never slept in the same bed, or in the same room, for that matter. I never saw any affection between them, but I never saw them at war either. I had heard stories, when I was young, that Uncle George told Aunt Cecil that he had a lot of money, and that Aunt Cecil believed him. It wasn’t until she married him that she found out that he was a fly-by-night used car salesman. She got tricked. I guess that story would have settled in, and stayed in, but as an adult, I just couldn’t see my aunt, who was so wonderful, humble, kind, and funny…and a pianist…marrying for money. She just didn’t seem the type. So, when I was in my 40’s or so, I set about on a fact-finding mission and traveled to Florida with my sister to seek the truth.‑ Aunt Cecil was living there with her sister. I had my tape recorder tucked under my arm to attempt to record the true story. I remember how neat it was to have two sisters interviewing two sisters. My two aunts were both widowed at that time, and were living together. I told them that Kathy and I wanted to talk to them about our family history, and would like to record it. They were a little nervous, and giggled a bit, but agreed. I sat the tape recorder on the floor and told them to forget it was there, whilst we resumed our conversation.‑ We talked about several things before I got to the part that I wanted to explore. I point blank asked Aunt Cecil why she married Uncle George. I told her I was curious about romance at that time of our history. The depression was in full swing, and a lot of families were out of work. I knew that some families doubled up and hung together to help with expenses. Aunt Cecil paused and thought about the question put to her. She had such a serious face, that I wondered if I had been too bold in asking such an intimate question that was clearly none of my business. Then, she started speaking as if lost in time. She told of how so many people were out of work and that she was lucky to have had a job in a department store in Fort Wayne.‑ My Uncle George was also working in the department store. She told me that he had a “crush” on her, but that she was not the least interested in him. She told me that her true love was a man who wanted to marry her and take her to Australia with him. She said that even though she loved him to her soul, she could not marry him and move away from her mother. “Why, Australia was the other side of the world,” she said. “I couldn’t go there.‑ Whatever would I do?”‑ She looked sadly down at her hands.‑ “Then,” she continued…”then, when I met your Uncle George, he wanted to date me. He was nice enough but I wasn’t the least bit interested in him. He kept at me and told me that I just thought I was too good for him. I didn’t feel I was too good for him I just didn’t like him. But, he kept telling me that if I didn’t feel like I was better than him, I would not refuse to go out with him. I couldn’t let anyone think that I felt better than them, because I was a Christian, and I didn’t want anyone to think that of me. I finally went out with him, and I thought that I had proved that I wasn’t that way. But then he wanted to get married. I didn’t want to get married to him, but he told me that I must feel I was better than him. Again, I couldn’t have anyone think that of me, so I agreed to marry him. That’s all there is to the story, really. I just felt so bad that anyone would think ill of me, that I ended up marrying him.
I have thought of this conversation many times since then. I thought of how often we do something we don’t really want to do, because of what someone else might think. In my aunt’s case, it involved a lifetime of being committed to a man she never loved. He tricked her. That’s what I kept thinking. Her tricked her!‑ I was so angry that he would have taken advantage of my sweet, kind, loving aunt because she was vulnerable and didn’t want him to think she was stuck-up.‑ When I look at her life and her loveless marriage it makes me really sad, too. I wonder how many other people get stuck with someone they don’t really want, or do something that they don’t want to do because someone accuses them of being uppity. She ended up dumped in a nursing home, later in life, and all her possessions were sold. She languished for several years and died. I never forgot her story, though, and resolved that I would never ever let anyone guilt-trip me into a situation that I didn’t want for myself. I loved her so much, and I love her still. And I hope in heaven, she is blessed with being with her Australian lover whom she loved with her whole heart, even though heaven is a long way off, too.
Stick up for yourselves,
Mae
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