MAE JULIAN
Mae’s Diet Progress
Dear Readers,
I wondered how long it would take. Well, let me tell you it was a spectacle! Just a disgusting spectacle!! I was just checking in on our friend, Mae, having remembered she had been on a diet for quite some time. And I also heard she was wearing out those mats and machines at Curves, trying to get down to a weight that is not normal for a woman her age. Now, I have known this friend of ours for years, and I said to myself, ” Madame Sherlock, you’d better go check this situation! This does not sound normal.”
I drove my usual old blue V W bug with the big UK flag on the antennae and parked down the street. It was getting along about 5 o’clock in the afternoon, yesterday. As you know, I have mental telepathy, and I heard her mind screaming, ” I can’t take it anymore!” With a fury seldom seen, I heard the clatter of pans and my gawk in the window brought the sight of a large aluminum bowl and a big stirring spoon being flung on the counter. The cupboards were all standing open and there was only a blur as she threw stuff out on the counter. A canister of sugar, both brown and white, Crisco, butter, eggs, soda, white flour, and a HUGE bag of chocolate chips that her thoughtful husband had bought for her grandchildren.
I did not know that a person could take hard sticks of butter and beat them into oblivion to soften them, in less than a minute, instead of patiently letting them sit at room temperature. One would have thought that she was trying to break the speed of sound! The butter chunks became less-chunky butter and then the sugars and eggs were thrown in with reckless abandon. I know she thought that a dreaded eggshell had dropped in, but, in her frenzy, she brushed the thought aside as she pummeled the ingredients together. The flour she was supposed to sift with the other ingredients, were merely dumped in, unceremoniously, and with such vigor, that she was dusted white. Not bothering to get a mixer, as any normal person would, she beat that big spoon with such force that a mixer would be hard pressed to keep up. I saw insanity breaking across her face as she snatched the huge bag of chocolate chips (which had been bought for her grandchildren), as she ripped the bag open with her teeth, dumped the contents in the mixture that still had chunks of hard butter, and broke a sweat as she saw her mission coming to an end. She was in the throes of victory! I had to change windows to keep up, as she raced to the living room with the channel changer, a gigantic spoon, and the aluminum bowl. I stood in astonishment as she ate every bit of that huge bowl of batter, and then licked the bottom. The bowl almost covered her whole head! Aggghhhhh! I was concerned. That kind of loss of control is seldom seen, except in a frenzy of need brought about by too much restraint for too long.
It was obvious that intervention would have meant my death, my dears. I considered placing a basin by her couch, as I was quite sure her previously deprived stomach would not hold up to such a bolus of unrelenting maximization of a vital organ.
The last I saw of her, she was slumped on half of the couch, the bowl empty on the floor, and her moans emitted:” I just ate the whole thing.!!!!”
It occurs to me that seldom have I seen an orgy of such disgusting gluttony. I thought you, as her friends, should know that she is in grave danger and needs some intervention.
Sincerely,
Madame Sherlock
(Mae Julian’s alter ego)
> Read More Information About Us
> More Articles Written By Our Staff
- Community Invited To Paint Rocks For Urban League Project - April 26, 2024
- The “Bad Guys” In Your Garden & What To Do About Them - April 26, 2024
- Why Voting In The Primary Election Matters - April 26, 2024