MAE JULIAN
Sometimes I hesitate to write some of this stuff that I remember, because I don’t want you to think that none of us were doing our jobs. But, the truth is, after many years of being away from a situation, only the most dramatic, or, in this case, the funniest, sticks in your memory. I thought to myself, how are people going to believe that we were the 2nd highest rated EMS system in the country, outdone only by Seattle, in saving lives, if I continue to tell these crazy stories?‑ So, even with that reservation in mind, here is the story of Sluggo:
Sluggo got his nickname because he deserved it. Earned it, even. He was the slowest, most sluggish EMT in the service. He was short, blonde and chunky. He had a half-lidded gaze and had a tendency to forget where he was or how he got there. One time when he was with Mick and me, we were in the projects examining a‑ kid. Sluggo was sitting straddled on his jump kit when we heard a thud. We looked over at him, and he had fallen sideways off his jump kit, and was lying asleep on the floor, right amongst the discarded chicken and rib bones and the roaches. The stories about Sluggo were legion. He had a disorder called Narcolepsy, which we didn’t know at the time. In fact, we didn’t learn the name of his disorder ’till many years later, when I found he was being treated at a sleep disorder clinic. So, wind back, now, to our not knowing he had a disorder and only saw him as the ding-dong who fell asleep all the time.
Sluggo was one who got passed around a lot too.‑ We had fun with him, or perhaps more honestly, I should say, at his expense. One memorable time was when we had two crews on standby at the barn. This would not be a common occurrence. Although we might meet up with other crews during the shift, or on backup runs, the barn, once cleared, would not be met again until it was time to come in for shift change. So, I have no recollection why we were both at the barn, only that we were. Sluggo was in his usual position, asleep on the stretcher. (A firing offense, which no one ever reported, although it happened all the time to ole Sluggo).‑ Mick had the brainstorm to change his position from the ambulance he was asleep in, to the other ambulance. We unloaded him without his even opening an eye, took the stretcher out of the other ambulance, and switched them. Thus, Sluggo was the third member of that crew, still asleep when they caught a run. They rolled down the ramp and hit their lights and sirens, going code three to a run for a drunk and disorderly injured person. We were dying laughing, wondering what Sluggo would do when they loaded up the drunk and disorderly if they decided to transport, which we were sure they would, if only to see Sluggo’s reaction.
We didn’t get the skinny on it until shift change and the laughter coming out of the equipment room was uproarious. It seems that when they got on the scene, the crew examined the drunk and told the cops they were transporting him to University to get his cut lip….‑ and multiple other injuries….none of a serious nature….sewn up. The cops were glad they didn’t have to deal with him, and the crew put the drunk in the ambulance on the adjoining bench, with a seatbelt, leaving Sluggo asleep on the stretcher. Sluggo woke up enroute, and found himself staring into the eyes of an irate drunk with a bloody lip, laying right next to him.. (Bennie was driving, and she said she watched the whole thing in the rear view mirror.) Sluggo stared at the drunk and had a glazed-over look about him. Then the look turned to a panicked state, and he started screaming. He tried to get into the front with the crew, as he had no idea how he had gotten there, or who the bloody reprobate laying on the bench was.‑ The last he remembered he was asleep in the barn.‑ It was as if he had been transported into the Twilight Zone. The funny thing was, he never asked what he was doing in another ambulance, with another crew. He just seemed bent on acting like everything was normal, once he calmed down, which made it even funnier. He completed the shift with Bennie and her partner, and no one ever explained anything to him, and he never asked. Years later when I heard he had Narcolepsy I wondered how many times he had gone through “time lapses” that he couldn’t figure out or explain.‑ His reputation at EMS lasted a lot longer than he did. As I look back, now, I realize what a vagabond bunch of misfits we were.‑ If I ever run into Sluggo again, l’ll be sure to apologize for our insensitivity. Some things are hard not to laugh about. I wonder what happened to ole Sluggo?‑ I wonder what happened to all the street people? We were all so young. I hope I never get too old to laugh at the uproarious times we had together.
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