Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just have to tell you, Wayne and I got the urge the other night to have some Hot Sex with our popcorn/TV watching ritual. It was Thursday night you know and the Big Bang Theory was on and we just love it to pieces and enjoy watching it so much. The last time we made a party out of it and invited a few of the neighbors in to watch it with us. The only rule was: don’t get anything on the carpet and you mustn’t do anything but laugh during the show. You could talk during commercials though.
We had the best popcorn. We bought it from one of those lovely, cute little Cub Scouts that frequent our neighborhood. Their popcorn is just the bestest there is and it helps the little tykes go to summer camp and I don’t know what all but those boys need our support you know. My cute little tubby hubby Wayne was a Boy Scout once and he looked so cute in the picture his mom gave me. He had a cute little Cubby hat on and he wore blue knickers that fit just below his knees. He looks so adorable with his shirt out and his mom said she could never get him to tuck it in no matter what and she couldn’t keep his hair combed either so she made him wear a ‘buzz’ which I took to be very short hair.
Anyway we were, I guess, what you call throwing a party, when the police knocked on our door and asked what was going on what with the laughing, and then the silence, and then the laughing again and then the silence, and well they just thought something odd was happening. I think one of our neighbors that wasn’t invited must have called 911 and complained to them.
I explained to them that all we were doing was eating popcorn, watching the Big Bang Theory and having some Hot Sex. He couldn’t stop laughing when he and his partner walked away. The silly thing thought that we were, uh, well I should explain that the Hot Sex we were having wasn’t the kind that he was thinking about you know? Oh, I guess you don’t know.
Down at the Belmont liquor store they sell a nice, smooth all-ready-mixed drink in a little pint-sized bottle and it’s called ‘Hot Sex’. I’m not kidding. They tell me it’s like a Mud Slide, whatever that is only smoother and it’s soooooo refreshing. It has ginseng in it and it is supposed to help your libido, whatever that is. All it does to Wayne is make him grope when he’s sleeping. Me? I think it just makes me stay awake and want to watch more TV because of the hot flashes but it does taste good and it relaxes me – a lot.
Anyway, our party was a success and I think we’ll do it again and invite that nosey old neighbor the next time. Maybe she and her hubby could use a little Hot Sex. We older generation people can’t take a lot of alcohol you know but in my way of thinking, taking a little drinky-poo now and them is a lot better than taking pills any day and I think they both do about the same thing only my way is a lot cheaper. Check with your doctor before you try it – make sure he’s an old, old doctor though.
My granddaddy used to keep a bottle of Frisky Mule in his dresser, in the third drawer down on the left side underneath his starched white collar-less shirts or so my grandma told me and she lived to be well into her upper 80’s. Nobody knew for sure just how old she was because she said she was born in a log cabin; brought into this world by the hand-maiden to a Delaware Indian Chief, and they had no way of keeping records back then.
Don’t forget to stop into the Waynedale Café and enjoy FREE coffee with your breakfast. Tell them Mrs. Wayne Dale sent you and you’ll get your pick of the tables to set at and a free copy of THE WAYNEDALE NEWS to read while you’re enjoying your meal. Don’t forget to leave the cute waiter a nice tip.
Oh, by the way, Wayne and I have been enjoying a lot of BUY ONE/GET ONE FREE meals lately. We bought one of those Channel 39 cards for $75 and it comes with a booklet to explain how to use it. On the back of the card is a row of numbers – one for each restaurant in the book. You go to one of the restaurants that is listed, order two meals, and when you go to pay they mark their number off the card and you only pay for one meal; the other is FREE.
Do the math Honey. Eat out a few times and the card is paid for; from there on out, every time you dine out one meal (the cheapest one) will be free so you’re actually eating for half-price if you both order the same thing. It doesn’t take long to get our money’s worth since we eat out a lot and the money keeps Channel 39 on the air. It sure stretches out our Social Security check.
Until next time, TAA TAAA!
“Wayne, I don’t’ want any Hot Sex tonight I want to go to sleep, and besides it’s not Thursday.”