Interview with Mrs. (Wayne) Dale
Waynedale News (WDN): Is Mrs. Wayne Dale your real name?
Mrs. D: Well yes and no. It’s like a pen name you know but after so many years it’s sort of my adopted name like Mark Twain’s pen name was Sam Clemens or was it the other way around; I forget. I should have asked him when I had the chance.
WDN: (Had the chance??????)
WDN: How old are you?
Mrs. D: Now that’s a very personal question but I will say that I’m older than Wayne but not as old as you’d think, but I’m under 100 and maybe over 70 so you figure it out. I’m old enough to remember when kids had a pride in their appearance if that counts for anything and parents weren’t afraid to tell their kids, “NO.”
WDN: We realize your name, or rather your pen name is Mrs. Wayne Dale but what is your God given real first name? You do have one don’t you?
Mrs. D: Yes, I have three actually. I was born in the south but was transplanted up here at about two, after they named me of course; most southerners have two first names and they are usually made into nicknames like Robert Joseph would be Bobby Joe or William Lealand would be Willly Lee or Wee Willy Lee like my cousins were named; you get the idea. It’s Bertha Mae Butts (?), Butts being my mommy’s maiden name of course and I won’t tell you my maiden name due to the fact that there are still revenuers looking for my daddy even though it’s been a number of years and they’ve probably all died off now. The kids just called me Berthy May when I was growing up.
WDN: (I just hope the public will buy this!!!)
WDN: When did you first start writing?
Mrs. D: Well, I do remember they had already invented movable type and Horace Greeley was big into printing and wanted everyone to go west and Gutenberg was finishing up with his project. I guess it was when I learned to read by the light of the fireplace where I practiced making my letters on the back of a shovel.
WDN: (That sounds a little like it was taken from the life of Abe Lincoln!!)
WDN: So in the past you were very down on cigarettes and smoking like some religious people are down on drinking, why be so emphatic against smokers and smoking?
Mrs. D: Well, my daddy died of emphysema at the age of 86. All his brothers died from heart attacks at a much younger age like around 65 to 80. Come to think of it the emphysema made him slow down and take life easy so it probably prolonged his life but I’ve seen him suffer trying to breath so I know it wasn’t pleasant and I resent anyone trying to make me breath like that. As far as drinking is concerned? I’d say a little drinky-poo never hurt anyone in fact sometimes it’s just the thing to get Wayne in a little smoochy mood if you know what I mean? Of course with Wayne it doesn’t take much to do that. At our age sometimes we need a little help getting excited. A little Jackie D. and Root Beer will set me off most every time; how about you?
WDN: (Jack Daniels and Root Beer????)
WDN: Uh, well, er, uh, I guess, er, uh, we or I never give it much thought I guess. By the way, what is Wayne’s real name; I mean his last name isn’t really Dale is it? And surely his first name isn’t Wayne either is it?
Mrs. D: I call him Wayne sometimes and it’s like he is Wayne in a pen name sort of way although he doesn’t write anything other than his name on a social security check. No, his name isn’t Wayne and for now we’ll just keep it that way for the mystery of it. He was in the Navy and he is just a little slobby swobby in his eating habits, like most men, but then he does help me add a little humor to my columns don’t you think? He’s mainly a beer-eatin’-chicken-drinkin’ while-watching-football-kind-of-guy.
WDN: (Oh brother!!!!)
WDN: You write about sun bathing au-natural and going nude. Do you really do those things or is it just a big rube to make the public think you do those things to garner their attention and go, “Tsk, tsk.”
Mrs. D: What do you think?
WDN: Well, at your age and with your attitude and disposition and hearing what older women go though with hot flashes and all, I’d have to say I believe you actually do what you write about in that category – nudism.
Mrs. D: There you go.
WDN: (I think I guessed right????)
WDN: Do you and Wayne actually go to different restaurants to check on the food and would you say that you are running block for other Senior Citizens and trying to get them some benefits? Does The Waynedale News pay for your food and trips?
Mrs. D.: Wayne and I don’t go out specificity to review restaurants; we just report on the ones we do visit when we go for drives around our beautiful state. No, we pay for our own food although I’m hoping that one day we’ll get a raise to help our social security checks along. As far as running block, isn’t that a football term? I’d say we just notice where some senior benefits are and pass them on to the senior public so they can take advantage of the ‘free’ stuff we find and don’t get ripped off. I wish that one restaurant would put their ‘free’ coffee for seniors back on their sign outside and that other restaurants in the “Fort Waynedale” area would do the same. They owe the seniors that much.
WDN: Thank you Mrs. Wayne Dale and thank you Wayne for giving us the opportunity to laugh at your antics and thank you for being you. Don’t stop making us laugh. You’re giving us a chance to see ourselves in a few years and you’re selling a lot of papers.
WDN: (Hmmm; I think I’ve had my leg pulled… !)