HOMETOWN VIEWS

Oh my darlin’, oh, my darlin’, oh my darlin’, Clementine!

Oooooohhh I just have to tell you, Wayne and I have found just the nicest restaurant and the name is of course, you guessed it; Clementine’s. And it’s not in Waynedale or even Fort Wayne; it’s in Columbia City just northwest of here on Route 30. It’s only about a half-hour drive, if you don’t stop to fool around, and the food is soooo good you’ll want to go back again and again. We were antique/garage sale hunting and we happen to come upon this darling place, so we went in.

The waitress asked us if we wanted smoking, non-smoking, or first available? Wayne stated that he wanted a non-smoking and non-children section. It got a chuckle out of the waitress; she didn’t know that Wayne was serious. We have become pretty fed up with other people’s children running around the tables and poking their hands into the Jell-O and pudding at the salad bars like we saw at a Ponderosa restaurant once. We don’t eat where they have salad bars any more.

What is wrong with young parents anyway? Why can’t they contain their children? Are they afraid the children won’t like them or are they afraid some dumb do-gooder will turn them in for child abuse? That’s why I’m not a big fan of the SCAN (Stop Child Abuse & Neglect) movement. Everyone is afraid to smack their kid’s bottom when they misbehave.

We got a seat where there were no children and there was no smoking in that area either. Don’t start me on that filthy dirty air-polluting habit. You may be reading what I have to say all day. Anyway the air was nice and clean where we were seated and the smells and aromas from the kitchen were enough to make you gain ten pounds just breathing and seeing the great foods they were serving.

We read the menu and it was full of good sounding things. We ordered the great big combination seafood platter and it came with a very nice house salad. We both ordered French-fried sweet potatoes and they were so sweet, yet salty, and ooooooooh so good. I’ve never eaten them before, not even when we were down south on vacation earlier this year.

The platter was loaded with deep fried smelt, small shrimp, larger butterfly shrimp, clam strips, fish, and scallops but no oysters; I think they must cost extra. I wish there had been some oysters on the platter; they do some wonderful things for my Tubby Hubby, which of course does some wonderful things for me too. Oh it takes about a dozen to get him started but they sure would be worth the extra cost.

After we got our bill, the waitress asked if we had an Entertainment card; we did and that cut about $12 off our bill. I felt like the waitress, her name was Libby (short for Elizabeth), deserved a nice tip. Wayne went over our usual 10% tip. In fact I think Wayne went waaaayyy over our 10% and made a car payment for her. I’m just kidding of course, but Wayne does get carried away when there’s a pretty face or a nice pair of talents that he notices. Pad your bras girls and you’ll have bigger tips and I don’t mean that as a play on words either.

Anyway, I give Clementine’s a big 98 fingers of approval (minus one because I always leave room for improvement and minus another one for not advertising in The Waynedale News so I would have known about their delightful restaurant sooner). Fingers? Oh, I forgot; a fork just gets in your way when you’re dipping your seafood in the luscious horseradish loaded seafood sauce and the delicious tartar sauce although you should use a fork to eat the nice big salad they bring. Do order plenty of napkins BEFORE using your fingers.

Should you eat the French-fried sweet potatoes with your fingers? No, the fingers should be eaten separately. Oh, I know that’s an old joke but I still think it’s funny. Wayne laughed so hard he dripped tartar sauce on his fly when I told him. What a mess. If this happens to your husband, make him go to the restroom to clean himself up; and don’t use the tablecloth.

Anyway we had so much food that we couldn’t eat it all and we had to get two boxes to carry it all home. It made two meals for us the next day. On the way home, we stopped at the Kroger store and bought some oysters. Wayne eats them raw and it almost makes me sick to watch him do it so I don’t. If your man doesn’t feel like paying attention to you when you want him to then just get some oysters into him and you’ll see the difference. Of course a nice flimsy negligee and a little wine helps a lot. If this plan doesn’t work for you then he’s dead honey, call Elzey. Oh my darlin’, oh, my darlin’, oh my darlin’, Wayne Honey! Until next time Taa Taaa.

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Mrs. Waynedale

The adventures and reviews of Mrs. Waynedale are written by a mystery author in the Waynedale area. You have to love her, eccentric, truthful, and quaint as she is. She is a champion for Seniors. > Read Full Biography > More Articles Written By This Writer