Oooooohhh I just have to tell you I’ve eaten too much over the holidays and I am at the point that I can’t stand to look at rich food. I think I gained about twenty-five pounds the way my girdle fits. It’s straining at the staves and I’m afraid someone is going to get hurt if it ever decides to let go and explode. My cute little tubby hubby stays the same weight; he doesn’t gain an ounce or lose an ounce but then he’s around 1200 ounces overweight to start with.

We decided to go on a diet, go grocery shopping, and do our own cooking for one whole month. We shopped at Audi’s over on South Anthony. They have the nicest store but I must warn you, don’t go anywhere around the first part of the month. All the fixed income people are shopping then and it’s very crowded. If you can hold out, go anywhere from the middle to the end of the month.

If you decide to try this, I suggest you make out your menu ahead of time and list what it will take to cook some healthy good tasting meals. Otherwise you’ll do like we did and ‘go wild in the aisles’ and I don’t mean play ‘hanky panky’ like we usually do. We started at the cheese twisties and ended up at the freezer where they keep the Rocky Road ice cream. In between we picked up what we thought was healthy food. After we got home I looked at what we had put in our cart and discovered everything else including the low calorie stuff.

Wayne and I packed up the chocolate candy, hot wings, corn chips, hot dogs, smoked sausage, smoked oysters, honey-buns, chocolate chip cookies, nacho cheese dip, sardines packed in oil, potato chips, cheese crunchies, sugared breakfast cereals, chunky peanut butter, chicken pot pies, apricot jelly, white bread, bologna, salami, and all the rest of the junk food we accidentally bought and gave it away to anyone who came to the house and wanted it. What was left we donated to the Food Bank.

We kept the low fat cottage cheese, iceberg lettuce, Romaine lettuce, broccoli, celery, green peppers, squash, bananas, onions, cherry tomatoes, cabbage, cauliflower, cucumbers, coffee, 1% milk, and the tuna packed in water. Oh yes, and we kept the rolled oats. I heard that oats help to get rid of cholesterol. I’ve eaten so much rabbit food that I think I’m going to healthy myself to death. After the first week, I lost one pound and Wayne said he could do that by just taking his toupee off and his teeth out, the little jerk.

I know it was just a pound because when I stripped down to just what Mother Nature gave me to wear there was no room for doubt; I only lost one pound. Wayne said that I should take off my hair net and try again. I felt like slapping the little dear. My doctor said that my body was like a balloon; the more I put in (by eating) the bigger it gets and the more I take out (by exercising) the smaller it gets. No one ever put it that way before; I think he’s right. Soooo for my New Year’s resolution I vow to go from [censored] pounds down to [censored] pounds by the time we go south for our Bare Essentials Vacation again. I just love to run carefree in the sunshine.

If anyone else decides to try going on what I call the Aldi Diet let me know how you make out. What is the Aldi Diet? You buy anything you want but keep only the vegetables and the low calorie stuff and give the rest to the Food Bank. And, if you go out to eat, order a large salad but get two plates and split it between you. I’ll let you know if I can get into my thong by the next time the paper comes out. Good luck with your diet. “Until next time, Taa Taaa.”

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Mrs. Waynedale

The adventures and reviews of Mrs. Waynedale are written by a mystery author in the Waynedale area. You have to love her, eccentric, truthful, and quaint as she is. She is a champion for Seniors. > Read Full Biography > More Articles Written By This Writer