Oooooohhhh I just have to tell you Wayne and I haven’t been able to get out to eat at any restaurants in the area. We’ve both been laid up with the flu of all things. I haven’t had a case like this in over thirty years. We’ve both had flu shots, being senior citizens and all, but it didn’t do any good. My doctor said that there are over forty strains that he knew of so we must have got one that wasn’t afraid of the flu vaccine that we got. So I’m afraid that I’ll just have to wait till next time to tell you where we go to eat. Wayne wants to go to Gio’s and I don’t. He says he read where they’ve changed owners and have a real good menu to choose from. I think maybe we will go there just as soon as we start feeling better and quit hacking, and coughing, and blowing. Of course the diarrhea hasn’t stopped yet either and that makes dining out rather unpleasant. The only good thing about getting the flu is, I’ve lost over 13 pounds and my clothes don’t hurt anymore.

My little tubby hubby was slurping his chicken noodle soup throw a straw, which looks disgusting, and he was playing around on the computer. He ran across some funnies that I thought you might get a kick out of reading. I’ve personally screened them so you won’t be reading any dirty stuff. Lord you should see the garbage that people send us; it isn’t fit for a dog to read.

I call these wacky daffinitions: ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is nowgrowing in the middle. (Just like my tubby hubby.) BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. (This is so cute.) CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. (Almost makes omelets and KFC sound unappetizing.) DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today .YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.I like these also: I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again. I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. My reality check bounced. I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don’t be irreplaceable — if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast! and look worried. Following the rules will not get the job done. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?” Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.

I do so hope you enjoyed these little funnies. I’m sure Wayne and I will be feeling better soon and then we can go to Gio’s. I do hope they don’t have a lot of loud music and all that cigarette smoke like they had years ago when Wayne and I ate there. I think it was in the late seventies or early eighties. We had a coupon for free Chicago burgers or something like that. They were served on sourdough bread. I do remember we couldn’t taste them for the smoke. I’ve heard that the atmosphere has changed 100 percent. I sure hope so. Until next time, Taa Taaa.

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Mrs. Waynedale

The adventures and reviews of Mrs. Waynedale are written by a mystery author in the Waynedale area. You have to love her, eccentric, truthful, and quaint as she is. She is a champion for Seniors. > Read Full Biography > More Articles Written By This Writer